A Midsummer Night #nofilter Read online

  His friends were so terrified that they ran away. But theeeen, Titania woke up, saw him on Fairy Fling, and immediately fell in love. LOL.

  Oberon

  This. Is. AWESOME!

  My plan is going so much better than I expected.

  OK, what about the guy from Athens?

  Puck

  Yep! Got him too. And the girl.

  Oberon

  Bingo.

  Hermia

  WHERE is Lys, Dem? I know you know. I hate you!

  Demetrius

  Why are you being so nasty to someone who you so much? Doesn’t make any sense. SMH.

  Hermia

  Well, where is he? He wouldn’t suddenly sneak away while I was . You did something, didn’t you?

  Demetrius

  No! HDU?

  Hermia

  If you’re innocent, then help me find him.

  Demetrius

  Absolutely not. I’d rather feed him to the .

  Hermia

  You’re the . Just tell the truth for once. Did you hurt him?

  Demetrius

  NO. You’re getting all for no reason.

  Hermia

  Tell me he’s , then.

  Demetrius

  If I do, will that get me off the hook?

  Hermia

  Urgh. It means you’ll never see me again, even if he’s alive. I can’t stand you. BYE.

  Demetrius

  Whatever. I’m taking a nap.

  Oberon

  Ugh. WHAT THE PUCK!

  You gave the potion to the wrong people!

  Puck

  Are you suuure? Ruh-roh.

  Welp, must be fate, then!

  Oberon

  Go find Helena right now and bring her here so I can fix your mistake.

  I’ll put the back on Demetrius’s eyes, so when he wakes up again and sees her, it’ll all be fixed.

  Puck

  OK! I’ll be as fast as an arrow shot from a bow. Get it? See ya!

  I’m baaack! Told you I’d be fast.

  Helena is nearby and so is the guy I confused for the other one. He’s begging her to love him—it’s hilarious! Can we take a break and watch them? Srsly, it’s so good.

  Oberon

  No, you idiot. We don’t want Demetrius to wake up yet.

  Puck

  But then two guys will be after the same girl. That’s even funnier!

  Oberon

  You need help.

  Lysander and Helena have checked into another part of the forest one mile away from the last part they were in.

  Lysander

  Whyyy won’t you talk to me? Do you think I’m joking when I say I love you? I’ve cried over you. Hello! That should prove I’m serious.

  Helena

  ur such a liar! u’ve said the same stuff to hermia.

  u can’t feel that way about BOTH of us.

  Lysander

  I wasn’t in the right frame of mind before.

  Demetrius has checked into the forest on Lysander and Helena’s trail.

  Demetrius

  Helena? Is that you? You’re stunning! Gorgeous! Absolutely the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!

  Helena

  demetrius? o, not this again. i’m of everyone ganging up on me!

  ugh, u know what? forget it. if ur both going to torture me, u might as well do it together.

  Helena has added Demetrius to the group text.

  Helena

  i’m not some running joke for u guys to laugh at.

  Lysander

  That’s right, you’re not!

  Demetrius, I know you’ve loved Hermia all along. Listen, you can have her! I want to be with Helena. Then we’ll all be happy.

  Demetrius

  No thx. Hermia’s all yours. I was only into her for a sec. It’s Helena I want to forever.

  Lysander

  He’s lying, Helena.

  Helena

  i’m going to block both of ur numbers! i h8 this.

  Demetrius

  I’m not lying! I’ll prove it. Hold on.

  Chat Server: MIDSUMMER MISSED CONNECTIONS

  Oberon has joined the chat room

  Demetrius, Hermia, Lysander, and Helena have joined the chat room

  Demetrius: Hermia, you there?

  Hermia: Lys, you’re here?? Why did you leave me

  Lysander: I needed to be with someone else.

  Hermia: Who

  Lysander: Helena, duh. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted. And you’re not, so bye.

  Hermia:

  Helena: o so SHE’S in on this too?

  Helena: i can’t believe ur all ganging up on me!

  Helena: i thought u were my friend, herm.

  Hermia: IDK what you’re talking about.

  Helena: didn’t u send lysander after me? and now u have demetrius pretending to be in with me even though he was straight up calling me a fugly just the other day.

  Helena: i’m outta here. have a great laugh at my expense. i’m used to it by now.

  Lysander: No, stay! Beautiful Helena, don’t go.

  Lysander: Are you a ? Because every time I look at you, I .

  Lysander:

  Hermia: Stop the joke, Lys. She’s obvi upset.

  Demetrius: Srsly, dude. Enough.

  Demetrius: Besides, I love her way more than you do.

  Lysander: I’ll fight you for her, Demetrius!

  Demetrius: YOU’RE ON!

  Hermia: Boys, stop!

  Lysander: Go AWAY, Hermia. Quit chasing me like a and move on. #purrmanently

  Hermia: What happened to my sweet Lys? IDGI.

  Lysander: Go away. Shoo.

  Hermia: You don’t mean that.

  Helena: of course he doesn’t & neither do u!

  Demetrius: Hi, hello. We’re supposed to be fighting!

  Hermia: Look what you’ve done, Helena. You . IDK how you did it, but you stole Lys’s somehow.

  Hermia: I should fight you too!

  Helena: everyone leave me alone.

  Helena: i’m out of here. tty NEVER, tbh.

  Hermia: You can’t run away without explaining why you’re suddenly all over Lys.

  Helena: i’m NOT. the only i’ve ever loved is demetrius.

  Helena: plz leave me alone, hermia. ur scaring me.

  Lysander: Don’t worry, Helena. I’ll protect you from her.

  Demetrius: Can you STFU already? She doesn’t want you.

  Lysander: That’s it. You and me, right now—we’re going to settle this. We’ll fight for her.

  Demetrius: YEAH, WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG.

  Demetrius and Lysander have exited the chat room.

  Hermia: Way to go, HELL-ena.

  Hermia: Have fun living with your guilty conscience about this whole sitch.

  Helena: i can’t even rn.

  Helena: i’m going to bed. nite.

  Hermia: Yeah, well, I was going to bed first!

  Hermia: See? Already asleep.

  Helena and Hermia have exited the chat room.

  Oberon

  Do you have ANY idea what’s going on between all of them?

  Do you KNOW what you’ve done

  Puck

  OK, I deserve that. I made a teeny, tiny mistake. But I did exactly what you said! I put the on the Athenian guy’s . I didn’t know there was another guy running around the forest.

  And anyway, who cares? This is so entertaining and trippy.

  Oberon

  You have to fix everything before it gets worse. Here’s what you do:

  Make it so dark that it’s like night.

  Imitate Lysander and insult Demetrius. Then switch it up and pretend to be Demetrius and on Lysander. Keep changing directions so they end up getting separated. But make sure they end up near the right . Eventually, they’ll be too exhausted and need to . Just like Helena and Hermia.

  When they’re asleep, crush this onto Lysander’s eyes and it’ll all be good again. />
  While you’re doing that, I need to find Titania and undo THAT spell so she’s not in love with a anymore.

  Got it??

  Puck

  OK! Off I go. I’m gonna need new after all this.

  555-5555

  Hey, loser! I’m ready to fight. Where are you?

  Lysander

  Who is this?

  555-5555

  Oh, sars. It’s Demetrius. My phone battery died so I had to break out my mom’s old flip phone. #soancient

  Lysander

  Oh.

  K, I’m coming.

  from: hey​its​lys​@​midsummer​.org

  To: youve​reached​demetrius​@​midsummer​.org

  Come out, come out, wherever you are, you coward!

  from: youve​reached​demetrius​@​midsummer​.org

  To: hey​its​lys​@​midsummer​.org

  Huh? I don’t recognize this email.

  from: hey​its​lys​@​midsummer​.org

  To: youve​reached​demetrius​@​midsummer​.org

  Can you read? HEY ITS LYS. Had to email.

  My, uh, daytime minutes are running low.

  from: youve​reached​demetrius​@​midsummer​.org

  To: hey​its​lys​@​midsummer​.org

  Oh. K, I’m coming.

  Lysander

  Hello? Demetrius? WYD?

  I’m tired of waiting. I’ll pass the time with a nap.

  from: youve​reached​demetrius​@​midsummer​.org

  To: hey​its​lys​@​midsummer​.org

  [5 minutes ago]

  I’m here.

  from: youve​reached​demetrius​@​midsummer​.org

  To: hey​its​lys​@​midsummer​.org

  [3 minutes ago]

  And you’re clearly not.

  from: youve​reached​demetrius​@​midsummer​.org

  To: hey​its​lys​@​midsummer​.org

  [2 minutes ago]

  I’m too tired for this. Gonna sleep, but wake me up when you get here!

  Puck

  Everything is all set on my end, O!

  Putting the onto Lysander’s .

  Done! He’ll wake up and everything will be right again. YW!

  [Scene 1]

  Oberon

  Oh, heyyy, T. How ya been?

  Titania

  FANTASTIC!

  Oberon

  I was wondering if you gave any more thought to letting me hang out with the new from India?

  Titania

  Whatever you want! I don’t mind! I’m over the happy, O.

  G2G! Meeting up with someone. TT4N.

  Titania

  Bottom, come over and let me pinch those cheeks! Oh, I just love you. I want to kiss you all day.

  Bottom

  Um, maybe hold up a sec.

  Bottom

  Hey, Cobweb. You there?

  Cobweb

  yeah

  Bottom

  Can you do me a favor?

  Cobweb

  Bottom

  Great! Can you go kill a for me and bring back the ? Thx!

  Cobweb

  uh. k.

  Titania

  Want to some , my love?

  Or do you want to get something to eat?

  Bottom

  Wow, that all sounds great. Really.

  But MAN, am I tired. I need to rest these peepers.

  Titania

  Absolutely. Go to sleep, sweetie. I’ll rest too and ask everyone to give us some privacy.

  Oberon

  Good news, buddy!

  I ran into Titania in the forest, and she’s so dumbstruck in with that guy that she agreed to what I wanted right away!

  So now we just need to undo the spell for everyone. So it’ll all be like a weird dream when they wake up.

  I’m going to use the on Titania now. Let me know how it goes with the others!

  Puck

  Here I come, you four! I’ve got my portion of the and I’m going to set everything straight again. #callmecupid

  Oberon likes this

  REPLY

  Oberon

  Honey, wake up.

  Wakey, wakey, my .

  Titania

  O? I just had the weirdest dream. I was in love with a !

  Oberon

  Shh, shh, shh. Don’t worry. Everything is better now.

  Remember, we still have our friends’ wedding to celebrate. We should head out.

  Titania

  OK. Fill me in on the details while we walk. Like how I ended up on the ground.

  Theseus, Hippolyta, and Egeus have checked into the forest.

  Group text: Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus

  Theseus

  Whoa! OMG. Who are these people sleeping on the ground? Come quick!

  Hippolyta

  do we have to text so much?? i’ve used up 75% of my monthly data! i don’t wanna get charged extra.

  Egeus

  That’s my daughter, Hermia! And Lysander, Demetrius, and Helena. What are they all doing here?

  Theseus

  Maybe they came here to party a lil bit?

  That reminds me, though. Isn’t today the deadline for Hermia’s decision?

  We’ve gotta wake ’em up!

  Theseus has added Lysander, Demetrius, Helena, and Hermia to the group chat.

  Theseus

  Good morning, lovebirds!

  Lysander

  Good morning, Theseus.

  Sorry you’re seeing me like this. Don’t know how we fell asleep out here.

  Theseus

  Maybe this means you two enemies are finally friends?

  Lysander

  The truth is…I came here with Hermia. We planned on running away to get married and escape the law.

  Egeus

  RUNNING AWAY Did you that? We need to punish him!

  Demetrius

  Can I interrupt for a sec?

  Hippolyta

  no! bc now i’ve used up ALL my data. next person who talks has to pay my fee.

  Demetrius

  I’m here because the gorgeous Helena told me Hermia and Lysander were running away. I went after Hermia, and Helena followed me.

  I’m not sure why I chased Hermia so much, because I realize now that the only person I love is Helena. I want to be with her!

  Theseus

  This is fan-TAS-tic!

  You two couples will be married alongside Hippolyta and me. The more, the merrier!

  I gotta run. Hippolyta and Egeus, you comin? See you guys tonight at the temple!

  Hippolyta

  and i’ll c u soon, demetrius, so u can pay my bill.

  Group text: Demetrius, Hermia, Helena, Lysander

  Demetrius

  Last night was so weird.

  Hermia

  Right? My mind feels so fuzzy.

  Helena

  ditto. and did i hear u right, demetrius? that was almost too weird. like stumbling upon a outta the blue.