Macbeth #killingit Read online

  more omg shakespeare!

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  YOLO Juliet

  A Midsummer Night #nofilter

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Text copyright © 2016 by Penguin Random House LLC

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  All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Random House Children’s Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

  Random House and the colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.

  Visit us on the Web! randomhouseteens.com

  Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools, visit us at RHTeachersLibrarians.com

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Carbone, Courtney.

  Macbeth #killingit / William Shakespeare and Courtney Carbone.

  pages cm

  Summary: “William Shakespeare’s tragedy told in the style of texts, tweets, and status posts”—Provided by publisher.

  ISBN 978-0-553-53880-9 (trade) — ISBN 978-0-553-53881-6 (ebook)

  [1. Shakespeare, William, 1564–1616. Macbeth—Adaptations.] I. Shakespeare, William, 1564–1616. Macbeth. II. Title. III. Title: Macbeth hashtag killingit. IV. Title: Macbeth #killing it.

  PZ7.C1863Mac 2016 [Fic]—dc23 2015008606

  Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.

  v4.1

  a

  For all the slackers being quizzed on this tomorrow , good luck.

  —C.B.C.

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Who’s Who

  Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book

  Act 1

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Scene 7

  Act 2

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Act 3

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Act 4

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Act 5

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Scene 7

  Scene 8

  The 411 for Those Not in the Know

  Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book

  About the Authors

  FOMO? Read on for a peek at A Midsummer Night

  Who’s Who

  Macbeth, Thane of Glamis and co-commander of Duncan’s army

  Lady Macbeth

  Duncan, king of Scotland

  Malcolm, Duncan’s older son

  Donalbain, Duncan’s younger son

  Banquo, co-commander of Duncan’s army and Macbeth’s friend

  Fleance, Banquo’s son

  The Three Witches

  Hecate, goddess of witchcraft

  Macduff, a Scottish noble

  Lady Macduff

  Macduff’s Son

  Seyton, Macbeth’s servant

  The Three Murderers

  Doctor

  Gentlewoman

  Porter

  Lennox, a Scottish noble

  Ross, a Scottish noble

  Angus, a Scottish noble

  Menteith, a Scottish noble

  Caithness, a Scottish noble

  Siward, commander of the English soldiers

  Young Siward, Siward’s son

  Captain in Duncan’s army

  Apparitions: an Armed Head, a Bloody Child, a Crowned Child, and eight nonspeaking kings

  The Three Servants

  Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book

  (aka People w/o Smartphones)

  An Old Man

  A Doctor at the English court

  A Soldier

  Attendants, Servants, Lords, Thanes, Soldiers (all nonspeaking)

  [Scene 1]

  Group text: The Three Witches

  Witch #1

  When do u witches wanna meet up next? In thunder , in lightning , or in rain ?

  Witch #2

  When the hurly-burly’s done. When the battle’s lost and won .

  Witch #3

  Right b4 the setting sun.

  Witch #1

  Location TBD?

  Witch #2

  Upon the heath.

  Witch #3

  There we’ll find Macbeth. *heh heh*

  Witch #1

  G2g. My needs kibble!

  Witch #2

  And my needs his .

  Witch #3

  Kk I’ll b here.

  Witch #1

  = and = #WitchesBCrazy

  [Scene 2]

  Captain has posted a new picture to album: The Battle for Scotland #BattleSelfie

  REPLY

  Duncan: What’s up w/ the battle, Captain? The pics pretty intense—you must have been rite in the middle of everything!

  Malcolm: Dad, this is the soldier who saved my life!

  Captain: It was a storm for a while—but we won! And Macbeth saved the day by slicing thru that traitor Macdonwald like ! #MacbethFTW

  Duncan: Thx 4 the good ! So proud of u. Now stop taking selfies and get 2 the b4 u bleed out!

  Group text: Duncan, Ross, Malcolm

  Duncan

  What’s going on, Ross? How’s my favorite Thane?

  Ross

  God save the king!

  Malcolm

  *cough* a$$ *cough*

  Ross

  Shut it, Malcolm. FYI, the Thane of Cawdor is a traitor. He sold us out to the enemy , but we caught him, NBD.

  Duncan

  WTF?! Really? That guy was great at parties. Guess the only thing 2 do now is take away his title and give it to…wait for it…

  Ross

  ME

  Duncan

  MACBETH

  Ross

  *MACBETH #AutocorrectFail

  Malcolm

  Ha, riiight.

  Duncan

  Macbeth sure chose a good day 2 b a hero.

  [Scene 3]

  Witch #1

  It’s ! Where my girls @?

  REPLY

  Witch #2: Oh, you know, killing .

  Witch #3: U?

  Witch #1: Well, I won’t bore u w/ the details, but there was a and a and some s. She didn’t want to share, . Let’s just say, it didn’t end well for her. LMAO.

  Witch #3: I a drum! Macbeth is almost here. U guys remember the chant?

  Witch #1: We weird sisters …

  Witch #2: in , travel all over the …

  Witch #3: , 3 + 3 + 3 = 9. Yay! The spell is ready.

  Macbeth

  Banquo, I’m almost there. This weather is TERRIBLE!! At least we won! Did you I’m #Trending?!

  Banquo

  Congrats!


  Hey, can you see those ? WTF! They have longer beards than me.

  Witch #1

  Hail, Macbeth, Thane of Glamis.

  Macbeth

  Who are you & how did you get our numbers?!

  Witch #2

  Hail, Macbeth, Thane of Cawdor.

  Banquo

  Huh? Macbeth, did u get promoted w/o telling me?

  Witch #3

  Hail, Macbeth, soon 2 b king.

  Banquo

  Um, if u can see the future , can u give me good 2?

  Witch #1

  Banquo, < lesser than Macbeth and greater >.

  Witch #2

  Not as happy , but much happier .

  Witch #3

  You’ll have s, but you won’t be yourself.

  All hail Macbeth & Banquo!

  Macbeth

  Huh? I’m Thane of Glamis already. But IDK anything about Cawdor. Last I heard, that guy was still alive. (And the life of every party! ) And ? Well, that’s just crazy ! Tell me more…?

  Not Delivered

  Banquo

  Hello??

  Not Delivered

  Banquo

  Hey, Macbeth, my txts to aren’t goin thru.

  Macbeth

  They prob heard you comment on their beards. #SlowClap #TypicalBanquo

  Sux 2 be u, man. All those royal s, but never urself?

  Banquo

  Ha, right. Like ur actually gonna be !

  Group text: Ross, Angus, Macbeth, Banquo

  Ross

  Hey. I know ur still OTW from battle, but just FYI the king is pretty w/ u, Macbeth.

  Angus

  And…

  Ross

  He chose u as the new Thane of Cawdor.

  Macbeth

  But the old Thane of Cawdor’s still alive…rite? I don’t wear borrowed kilts, if u know what I mean. #ThaneLife

  Ross

  Yeah, he’s alive, but to the . He admitted to treason and everything. It’s all you.

  Macbeth

  Wow, thx!

  Macbeth

  Banquo, I’m Thane of Cawdor! Do you think this means your s will be after all?

  Banquo

  They said u were gonna be remember?! But we should b careful. Maybe it’s all a trick.

  Macbeth

  Yeah, the best trick EVER!

  Banquo

  Can the tell the truth?

  The Three Witches like this.

  REPLY

  Okay. Let’s look @ the facts. The Cawdor thing is great , but I can’t become , can I? Not until Duncan dies, anyway. And IMHO I don’t that happening any soon.

  To-Do List:

  1. Patiently wait for Duncan 2 die

  2. Become king of Scotland when old & feeble

  3. Cry about my wasted life

  PS: Unless Duncan invites himself to my , my wife and an imaginary convince me 2 stab him, I blame it on some servants , his heirs mysteriously disappear, etc. etc. Like THAT would ever happen! I feel guilty just thinking about it. My is racing.

  #WishfulThinking

  Macbeth looks kinda weird rite now. His hair is standing up & I can literally his pounding. Gonna keep my on him.

  #Creeper

  [Scene 4]

  Duncan

  Hey, son, has the old Thane of Cawdor been “taken care of” yet?

  Malcolm

  Yep, I’ve gotten that Cawdor is officially .

  Duncan

  About ! How’d it go?

  Malcolm

  He was surprisingly brave. Prob the most impressive thing he ever did in life was die lol. (Too soon??)

  Duncan

  I still can’t believe it. I rly trusted that guy! Never shoulda bought those matching BFF kilts…

  Group text: Duncan, Macbeth, Banquo

  Duncan

  Congrats and thx, Macbeth. You’ve given me more than I could ever repay.

  Macbeth

  Just having ur is enough, D.

  Duncan

  Still, I’ll out for you from now on & Banquo 2 .

  Banquo

  U gave us the chance to succeed! #Blessed

  Duncan

  Speaking of succeed—I have an announcement 2 make. Brb.

  Duncan

  FYI my son Malcolm is next in line to become king of Scotland! In the meantime, he’ll be @PrinceOfCumberland. Just in case n-e-1 else was thinking they might become king soon lol.

  Malcolm likes this.

  REPLY

  Duncan: PS Party @ Macbeth’s tonight!

  Malcolm: THX DAD

  Donalbain: FML #SecondBorn

  Malcolm

  Oh, I just can’t wait to be…sued for copyright infringement.

  REPLY

  UGH! MALCOLM is Prince of Cumberland now? Well, that sux. It’s gonna be a lot harder to become . #AlwaysTheThane Hmm, I gotta keep these s&my black out of the .

  Long short, I need to look !

  [Scene 5]

  Welcome, Lady Macbeth! You’ve got 2 new messages marked “Urgent.”

  Macbeth Oh, NBD, just Glamis, Cawdor, and soon-to-be KING

  Duncan Party tonight @ Inverness! All ages! No cover!

  OMG?! Me, queen of Scotland?? Better start trying on crowns! But Macbeth can be such a . He’s 2 nice to speed up the process, if u know what I mean. I’ll have 2 do some convincing.…

  Come, , and change me from a to a . Fill me from head 2 with cruelty. #SorryNotSorry

  Lady Macbeth has added How to Kill Friends and Influence Peasants to cart.

  Macbeth has just checked into Inverness Castle.

  Lady Macbeth likes this.

  Lady Macbeth

  Bae! Such awesome ! U r going to be KING !

  Macbeth

  About that…u heard Duncan is coming here tonight?

  Lady Macbeth

  Yes. When is he leaving?

  Macbeth

  Tomorrow.

  Lady Macbeth

  Don’t worry. I will make all “the plans” for Duncan. *wink wink* Just act natural, look but be a .

  [Scene 6]

  Duncan has checked into Inverness Castle—with 15 others.

  Lady Macbeth likes this.

  Duncan

  I love ur ! This is gonna b the best trip ever!

  Lady Macbeth

  Of course! My is your . We’re thrilled you could come.

  [Scene 7]

  Okay. So now the king is IN my . It’s almost like he WANTS me 2 kill him. My wife is pressuring me, but ing a is kinda a big deal. I gotta make a of pros & cons.

  Reasons NOT 2 Kill Duncan:

  1. He is a guest in my .

  2. What goes around comes around.

  3. He just gave me, like, one billion presents.

  4. Everyone him and will be super depressed.

  5. Killing another human is TERRIFYING.

  Reasons 2 Kill Duncan:

  1. Ambition

  2. Umm…

  Lady Macbeth

  Where r u? Why did u leave the ?

  Macbeth

  Are ppl 4 me?

  Lady Macbeth

  Obvi! Ur the HOST!!!

  Macbeth

  FYI it’s not happening.

  Lady Macbeth

  What’s not happening?

  Macbeth

  U know what. Duncan just gave me a big and every1 keeps liking my statuses. I’m not throwing it all away so quickly.

  Lady Macbeth

  WTF is wrong with you?!?! Do you want 2b the or not?!

  Macbeth

  Babe. STOP.

  Lady Macbeth

  SMH, u said b4 that u’d do it if u had the chance , but now u actually have the chance & ur too SCARED?! That’s bull .

  Macbeth

  U don’t understand.