Macbeth #killingit Read online

  Lady Macbeth

  I don’t understand?! You PROMISED me! I know what it’s like to & a , and I would literally murder my own if I PROMISED to.

  Macbeth

  Umm…okayyy.

  Lady Macbeth

  NBD I’m just trying 2 get my point across.

  Macbeth

  What if it doesn’t work?

  Lady Macbeth

  LMAO! Just screw up ur courage & it will work. We’ll frame his servants : give them drugs and alcohol , wait for them to pass out , and cover them in Duncan’s blood. Piece of !

  Macbeth

  Will ppl believe it?

  Lady Macbeth

  ROTFLMAO! Of course! What else would ppl think? We’ll b crying hysterically the whole !

  Macbeth

  Fine. I’ll do it. Now go pretend to b a good hostess while I figure out how 2 avoid getting caught. Ttyl.

  Lady Macbeth

  Kk, might wanna start by deleting these txts.…

  Macbeth Reminders

  2 items

  Edit

  Don’t have kids w/ Lady Macbeth

  Delete incriminating texts

  [Scene 1]

  Macbeth

  Hey, Banquo! What’s going on?

  Banquo

  Oh, hey! I thought you’d be by now. The king is passed out. Congrats on throwing the of the year. Duncan was making it ! #SWAG

  Macbeth

  Anything good?

  Banquo

  Lolz ur got an ENORMOUS .

  Macbeth

  Dammit. Never gonna hear the end of that.

  Banquo

  Heh.

  Um, I had a dream last nite about those 3 witches . Weird the Cawdor thing came true…

  Macbeth

  I COMPLETELY 4got about that. We can talk it over when we have more .

  Banquo

  What? U forgot they said u’d become Thane of Cawdor like a half hour b4 u became Thane of Cawdor?

  Macbeth

  Heh, yeah. Welp, 4 . Catch up later?

  Banquo

  K.

  Lady Macbeth

  Bling! Bling! Bling! #GirlsBestFriend

  Duncan and 10 others like this.

  REPLY

  I’m losing my . Tonight in the hallway I saw a floating in front of my . I reached out 2 grab it, but it wasn’t there IRL. WTF?! And now I have to finish the deed b4 my wife kills me instead!

  Macbeth is listening to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”

  [Scene 2]

  Man this is rly good ! I feel unstoppable! Hope everything is going according 2 plan. I laid the out for Macbeth & everything. The are hammered & out cold , but we should hurry JIC.

  I’d murder Duncan myself if he didn’t so much like my father when I saw him earlier. #DaddyIssues

  Lady Macbeth

  Where r u?

  Macbeth

  Done…did u n-e-thing?!

  Lady Macbeth

  A lot of weird things, actually.

  Macbeth

  whos in the nxt bedrom?

  Lady Macbeth

  Donalbain. Duncan’s son. The younger one.

  Macbeth

  omg i cn’t stop shaking

  Lady Macbeth

  CTFO

  Macbeth

  1 of the was sleeptalking & calld out MURDER thn they both woke . i stayed and but they said &fell back . TOTALY freakd out now.

  Lady Macbeth

  Pull urself 2gether. I can barely understand u!!

  Macbeth

  the cried out “God bless us!” & *Amen.” but I couldn’t say Amen the words got stck in my throat!!! Y DID THT HAPPEN?!

  Lady Macbeth

  U can’t worry about that right now. You’ll go crazy.

  Macbeth

  An then some1 yelled . Macbeth has . Macbeth will no more!

  Lady Macbeth

  What? Wait, that pic u just sent. Was that the murder weapon? Why do u still have those?! Go your .& put those bloody back on the !!! We have 2 stick 2 the plan!

  Macbeth

  i can’t go bck there! I can brely type! Autocorrect has forsaken me. Just like Heaven!

  Lady Macbeth

  Srsly, u r acting like a ! Bring them 2 me & I’ll do it myself. FML.

  Macbeth

  All the in the could not wash this blood off my . I knocking on the . some1 is comin to get me!

  Lady Macbeth

  I put the on the . My r bloody 2 but you don’t c me . I’m off 2 . Put on your pjs in case some1 u.

  Macbeth

  that knockin is loud enough to wake up Duncan!

  Macbeth is listening to Justin Bieber’s “Bad Day”

  [Scene 3]

  Macduff and Lennox have checked into Inverness Castle.

  Porter

  I may as well be the keeper to w/ all this knockin. If I wuz the ’s keeper, i’d hafta use my to the all day longgg.…

  REPLY

  Macduff: Must have been a good . This place of .

  Porter: Heh, u know wut happens wen u drink?

  Macduff: What’s that?

  Porter: 1) it makes ur red, 2) makes u & 3) hafta .

  Macduff: The more you know …

  Porter: that’s not all! it makes u wanna but instead u end up limp .

  Macduff: Lol, you speak from experience?

  Community Manager: THIS POST HAS BEEN FLAGGED FOR OBSCENE CONTENT.

  Group text: Macbeth, Macduff, Lennox

  Macbeth

  Good morning, my fellow noblemen!

  Macduff

  Hey there! It’s early for texting. Is the awake yet?

  Macbeth

  Nope. We had quite the last night.

  Macduff

  I’ll go wake Duncan.

  Lennox

  I heard there was some crazy goin on. Ppl said they heard screaming. Like the was trembling.

  Macbeth

  Weird. Guess I musta slept through it.

  Macduff

  AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

  Macbeth

  What? Macduff, what is it?????

  Lennox

  Did something happen to the ?

  Macduff

  Meet me up here and for yourself!!!

  Macduff

  Ring the alarm ! The has been murdered! Treason! Ring the !!!!!

  REPLY

  Lady Macbeth: In our ???

  Banquo: Who cares where it happened?

  Macbeth: If I died an hour ago, I would have had the perfect life. But now, everything will be terrible 4ever. The meaning of life has been poured out like a .

  Donalbain: What’s up?

  Macbeth: ICYMI the of ur blood has stopped.

  Macduff: Your father was . OMG I can’t believe it.

  Malcolm: Oh. Who do u think did it?

  Lennox: . The servants and their are covered in blood. It’s a blood .

  Macbeth

  Macbeth has added “Vigilante Justice” to his list of interests.

  Lady Macbeth likes this.

  REPLY

  Banquo: WHAT DID YOU DO?

  Macbeth: FYI I just killed the . That ?

  Macduff: *facepalm* Why would you do that, Macbeth?! Now we’ll never know what happened!

  Macbeth: Who can be all at once?? Duncan was MURDERED. Who wouldn’t avenge his death on social media?!

  Lady Macbeth

  OMG OMG OMG I’m going to pass out​tttt​tttt​tttt​tttt​tttt​tttt​tttt​tttt​tttt​tttt​jb​jkb​jkb

  REPLY

  Malcolm

  D, why aren’t we saying anything when we’re the king’s sons?

  Donalbain

  We have to be careful, bro. The killer might come 4 us next. There are in their s. And next in line = motive. Let’s GTFO of here. There will b plenty of 2 .

  Malcolm

  Tru. And 4 us to get revenge.

  Banquo

  Everyone, get dressed. We’ll regroup in a few to see if we can figure out what happened.

  REPL
Y

  Macduff:

  Macbeth: Meet stairs in 10.

  Malcolm and Donalbain have checked out of Inverness Castle. #OffTheGrid

  Macbeth likes this.

  [Scene 4]

  Macduff

  makes Duncan’s sons guilty. And w/out around, who’s planning the burial??

  REPLY

  Macbeth: Not it.

  Lady Macbeth: Not it.

  Banquo: Not it.

  Ross: Not it.

  Macduff: Sigh…

  Lady Macbeth has invited you to

  Hubby’s Coronation @ Scone .

  Date and Time: Today at noon

  Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, and Ross are going.

  Macduff is not going.

  Macduff has invited you to

  King Duncan’s Burial .

  Date and Time: Today at noon

  No one has yet responded.

  [Scene 1]

  Malcolm has checked into England.

  Donalbain has checked into Ireland.

  Duncan is . I still can’t believe it. Today Macbeth was named the new , just as the predicted. Something’s .

  Macbeth

  Banquo! We could have used you @ my ing today.

  Banquo

  Ah, sorry. I was out riding.

  Macbeth

  Np. But don’t miss dinner tonight!

  Banquo

  I’ll b there.

  Macbeth

  BTW, r u taking your son riding with u?

  Banquo

  Yep, why?

  Macbeth

  JW. Have a good . I’ll ttyl.

  It’s awesome 2 be ! But I wish I didn’t have to worry so much about my “situation.” Can’t get a read on Banquo. Argh. I mean Banquo should be THANKING me for speeding the along. His s couldn’t be w/o me! If only there was a way to change fate so it would be my s instead of his…. !

  KINGSLIST

  Wanted: 2–3 Able-Bodied Men (Inverness)

  • Do you want to make more ?

  • Is your life ?

  • Want to get back at those who have wronged you?

  • Okay with morally ambiguous objectives?

  • Know how to wield a ?

  If you answered yes to any of these questions, stop by the castle today!

  REPLY

  Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.

  Do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers.

  Posted by Macbeth

  [Scene 2]

  Grr. Wish I could switch places w/ Duncan. I’m too pretty to go to hell! #DoNotWant

  Lady Macbeth

  Macbeth, where have u been? R u still obsessing about the murder? What’s done is done. Let it go! It’s .

  Macbeth

  How can I eat when Banquo and Fleance are still alive?!

  Lady Macbeth

  IDK. But we’ll all die eventually!

  Macbeth

  Just brace urself. It’s gonna b a bumpy ride.

  Lady Macbeth

  What’s THAT supposed 2 mean?

  Macbeth

  I could tell you…but then I’d have to kill you.

  Lady Macbeth

  Lol, OK. I’ll wait and .

  [Scene 3]

  Group text: The Three Murderers

  Murderer #3

  You the other guys from the Kingslist ad?

  Murderer #1

  Who the gave u our #s?

  Murderer #3

  Macbeth, obvi. He gave me all the details.

  Murderer #2

  *shrug* He must b legit if he the murder plans.

  Murderer #1

  Fine. It’s . Hide and for Banquo and Fleance.

  Murderer #3

  Do you hear that?

  Murderer #2

  I see a !!

  Murderer #3

  That’s him alrite.

  Murderer #1

  NOW!

  Banquo

  RUN FOR IT SON!!!!!! Save yourself!!!!

  Murderer #3

  WHO PUT OUT THE ?!

  Murderer #1

  I thought that was the plan!

  Murderer #2

  Banquo’s ! Did someone kill the kid?

  Murderer #1

  I thought u had him!!??

  Murderer #3

  OMG the kid got away!

  Murderer #2

  1 outta 2 ain’t bad?

  Murderer #1

  We gotta find Macbeth. He’s not gonna be .

  [Scene 4]

  Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Ross, and Lennox have checked into “Macbeth’s First Annual Kingsgiving!”

  Macbeth

  Hello, royal subjects! Find your seats so we can get started. Our table is so long we set up a chat room to talk. #FirstWorldProblems

  REPLY

  Lady Macbeth: Don’t forget to use #Kingsgiving

  Murderer #1

  Hey, boss, I need 2 talk 2 u asap.

  Macbeth

  I’m about 2 start dinner! #Kingsgiving

  Murderer #1

  I know. I’m watching u from outside.

  Macbeth

  You’re here?!

  Murderer #1

  Macbeth

  THERE’S BLOOD ON UR FACE!!!

  Murderer #1

  Yeah, BANQUO’S BLOOD. Remember?

  Macbeth

  So it’s done?

  Murderer #1

  Macbeth

  Now just tell me you killed Fleance , and I will be the in all the .

  Murderer #1

  Macbeth

  SMH. Well, that’s TERRIBLE news. But at least Banquo is . I can deal with Fleance l8r.

  Lady Macbeth

  Get in here ASAP. We’re all sitting around the table waiting 4 you.

  Macbeth

  Kk one sec, babe. Dealing with something over here.

  #Kingsgiving Chat Room

  Macbeth: It looks like everyone has checked in except for Banquo. Hopefully he’s just late, and not in any kind of ! Did anyone save me a seat? #Kingsgiving

  Lennox: Of course! Right at the head of the table. #Kingsgiving

  Banquo’s ghost has checked into “Macbeth’s First Annual #Kingsgiving!”

  BANQUO’S GHOST: YEAH, MACBETH. I GOT YOUR SEAT RIGHT HERE. #KINGSGIVING

  Macbeth: Holy ! Who’s messing with me?! #Kingsgiving

  Lennox: Huh? WTF. #Kingsgiving

  Ross: What’s going on? #Kingsgiving

  Macbeth: You can’t say I did it. Leave me alone!!! #Kingsgiving

  Lennox: Did what? Ruin a perfectly good ? Lolz #Kingsgiving