The Two Gentlemen of Verona Read online

  [Enter Speed]

  SPEED Sir Proteus, 'save you.71 Saw you my master?

  PROTEUS But72 now he parted hence to embark for Milan.

  SPEED Twenty to one then, he is shipped already,

  And I have played the sheep74 in losing him.

  PROTEUS Indeed, a sheep doth very often stray,

  An if76 the shepherd be awhile away.

  SPEED You conclude that my master is a shepherd, then,

  and I a sheep?

  PROTEUS I do.

  SPEED Why then, my horns are his horns80, whether I wake

  or sleep.

  PROTEUS A silly answer, and fitting well a sheep.

  SPEED This proves me still a sheep.

  PROTEUS True: and thy master a shepherd.

  SPEED Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.85

  PROTEUS It shall go hard but I'll prove it by another.86

  SPEED The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the

  shepherd; but I seek my master, and my master seeks not me.

  Therefore I am no sheep.

  PROTEUS The sheep for fodder90 follow the shepherd, the

  shepherd for food follows not the sheep: thou for wages

  followest thy master, thy master for wages follows not thee.

  Therefore thou art a sheep.

  SPEED Such another proof will make me cry 'baa'.94

  PROTEUS But dost thou hear? Gav'st thou my letter to Julia?

  SPEED Ay, sir: I, a lost-mutton96, gave your letter to her, a

  laced-mutton97, and she, a laced-mutton, gave me, a lost—

  mutton, nothing for my labour.

  PROTEUS Here's too small a pasture for such store99 of muttons.

  SPEED If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick100

  her.

  PROTEUS Nay, in that you are astray: 'twere best pound102 you.

  SPEED Nay, sir, less than a pound103 shall serve me for

  carrying your letter.

  PROTEUS You mistake: I mean the pound -- a pinfold.105

  SPEED From a pound to a pin? Fold106 it over and over, 'tis

  Speed nods his head

  threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.

  PROTEUS But what said she?

  SPEED Ay.

  PROTEUS Nod -- ay -- why, that's 'noddy'.110

  SPEED You mistook, sir: I say she did nod, and you ask me

  if she did nod, and I say 'ay'.

  PROTEUS And that set together is noddy.

  SPEED Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take114

  it for your pains.

  PROTEUS No, no, you shall have it for bearing the letter.

  SPEED Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear117 with you.

  PROTEUS Why sir, how do you bear with me?

  SPEED Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly119, having nothing

  but the word 'noddy' for my pains.

  PROTEUS Beshrew121 me, but you have a quick wit.

  SPEED And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.

  PROTEUS Come come, open the matter123 in brief: what said she?

  SPEED Open your purse, that the money and the matter

  may be both at once delivered.

  Gives a coin

  PROTEUS Well, sir: here is for your pains. What said

  she?

  Examines coin, with contempt

  SPEED Truly, sir, I think you'll hardly128 win her.

  PROTEUS Why? Couldst thou perceive129 so much

  from her?

  SPEED Sir, I could perceive131 nothing at all from her; no, not

  so much as a ducat132 for delivering your letter. And being so

  hard to me that brought your mind133, I fear she'll prove as

  hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token134 but

  stones135, for she's as hard as steel.

  PROTEUS What said she, nothing?

  SPEED No, not so much as 'Take this for thy pains.' To

  testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned me138; in

  requital whereof139, henceforth carry your letters yourself. And

  so, sir, I'll commend140 you to my master.

  PROTEUS Go, go, begone141, to save your ship from wreck,

  [Exit Speed]

  Which cannot perish having thee aboard,

  Being destined to a drier death143 on shore.

  I must go send some better messenger:

  I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,145

  Receiving them from such a worthless post.146

  Exit

  Act 1 Scene 2

  running scene 2

  Enter Julia and Lucetta

  JULIA But say, Lucetta -- now we are alone--

  Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?

  LUCETTA Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.3

  JULIA Of all the fair resort4 of gentlemen

  That every day with parle5 encounter me,

  In thy opinion, which is worthiest love?

  LUCETTA Please you repeat their names, I'll show my mind,

  According to my shallow simple skill.

  JULIA What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?9

  LUCETTA As of a knight well-spoken, neat10 and fine;

  But, were I you, he never should be mine.

  JULIA What think'st thou of the rich Mercatio?12

  LUCETTA Well of his wealth; but of himself, so so.

  JULIA What think'st thou of the gentle14 Proteus?

  LUCETTA Lord, Lord: to see what folly reigns in us!

  JULIA How now? What means this passion16 at his name?

  LUCETTA Pardon, dear madam: 'tis a passing17 shame

  That I -- unworthy body as I am--

  Should censure19 thus on lovely gentlemen.

  JULIA Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?

  LUCETTA Then thus: of many good, I think him best.

  JULIA Your reason?

  LUCETTA I have no other, but a woman's reason:

  I think him so because I think him so.

  JULIA And wouldst thou have me cast25 my love on him?

  LUCETTA Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.26

  JULIA Why he, of all the rest, hath never moved27 me.

  LUCETTA Yet he, of all the rest, I think best loves ye.

  JULIA His little speaking29 shows his love but small.

  LUCETTA Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.

  JULIA They do not love that do not show their love.

  LUCETTA O, they love least that let men know their love.

  JULIA I would I knew his mind.

  Gives a letter

  LUCETTA Peruse this paper, madam.

  JULIA 'To Julia'. Say, from whom?

  LUCETTA That the contents will show.

  JULIA Say, say: who gave it thee?

  LUCETTA Sir Valentine's page: and sent, I think, from Proteus.

  He would have given it you, but I, being in the way,39

  Did in your name receive it: pardon the fault, I pray.

  JULIA Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker!41

  Dare you presume to harbour wanton42 lines?

  To whisper and conspire against my youth?

  Now trust me, 'tis an office44 of great worth,

  And you an officer fit for the place.

  There, take the paper: see it be returned,

  Or else return no more into my sight.

  LUCETTA To plead for love deserves more fee48 than hate.

  JULIA Will ye be gone?

  LUCETTA That you may ruminate.50

  Exit

  JULIA And yet I would I had o'erlooked51 the letter;

  It were a shame to call her back again

  And pray her to a fault for which I chid53 her.

  What fool is she, that knows I am a maid,

  And would not force the letter to my view!

  Since maids, in modesty, say 'no' to that

  Which they would have the profferer construe 'ay'.5
7

  Fie, fie: how wayward58 is this foolish love

  That -- like a testy59 babe -- will scratch the nurse

  And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod!60

  How churlishly61 I chid Lucetta hence,

  When willingly I would have had her here!

  How angerly63 I taught my brow to frown,

  When inward joy enforced my heart to smile!

  My penance is to call Lucetta back

  And ask remission66 for my folly past.

  What ho! Lucetta!

  [Enter Lucetta]

  LUCETTA What would your ladyship?

  JULIA Is't near dinner-time?

  LUCETTA I would it were,

  That you might kill your stomach71 on your meat

  And not upon your maid.

  Drops a letter, then picks it up

  JULIA What is't that you took up so gingerly?

  LUCETTA Nothing.

  JULIA Why didst thou stoop then?

  LUCETTA To take a paper up that I let fall.

  JULIA And is that paper nothing?

  LUCETTA Nothing concerning me.

  JULIA Then let it lie for those that it concerns.79

  LUCETTA Madam, it will not lie where it concerns,80

  Unless it have a false interpreter.81

  JULIA Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.

  LUCETTA That83 I might sing it, madam, to a tune.

  Give me a note: your ladyship can set84--

  JULIA As little by such toys85 as may be possible.

  Best sing it to the tune of 'Light o'love'.86

  LUCETTA It is too heavy for so light87 a tune.

  JULIA Heavy? Belike it hath some burden88 then?

  LUCETTA Ay, and melodious were it, would you sing it.

  JULIA And why not you?

  LUCETTA I cannot reach so high.91

  JULIA Let's see your song.

  Takes the letter

  How now, minion!92

  LUCETTA Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out:93

  And yet methinks I do not like this tune.

  JULIA You do not?

  LUCETTA No, madam, 'tis too sharp.96

  JULIA You, minion, are too saucy.

  LUCETTA Nay, now you are too flat,98

  And mar the concord with too harsh a descant:99

  There wanteth but a mean100 to fill your song.

  JULIA The mean is drowned with your unruly bass.101

  LUCETTA Indeed, I bid the base102 for Proteus.

  JULIA This babble shall not henceforth trouble me.

  Tears the letter

  Here is a coil with protestation!104

  Go, get you gone, and let the papers lie:

  You would be fing'ring106 them to anger me.

  LUCETTA She makes it strange107, but she would be best pleased

  To be so angered with another letter.

  [Exit]

  JULIA Nay, would I were so angered with the same:109

  O hateful hands, to tear such loving words;

  Injurious wasps111, to feed on such sweet honey

  And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!

  I'll kiss each several paper113 for amends.

  |Examining the pieces|

  Look, here is writ 'kind Julia'. Unkind114 Julia,

  As115 in revenge of thy ingratitude,

  I throw thy name against the bruising stones,

  Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.

  And here is writ 'love-wounded Proteus'.

  Poor wounded name: my bosom as a bed119

  Shall lodge thee till thy wound be throughly120 healed;

  And thus I search it with a sovereign121 kiss.

  But twice or thrice was 'Proteus' written down.

  Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away

  Till I have found each letter, in the letter,

  Except mine own name: that, some whirlwind bear

  Unto a ragged126, fearful, hanging rock,

  And throw it thence into the raging sea.

  Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ:

  'Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,

  To the sweet Julia': that130 I'll tear away:

  And yet I will not, sith131 so prettily

  He couples it to his complaining names.132

  Thus will I fold them, one upon another;133

  Now kiss, embrace, contend134, do what you will.

  [Enter Lucetta]

  LUCETTA Madam, dinner is ready, and your father stays.135

  JULIA Well, let us go.

  LUCETTA What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?

  JULIA If you respect138 them, best to take them up.

  LUCETTA Nay, I was taken up139 for laying them down.

  Picks up the pieces

  Yet here they shall not lie, for140 catching cold.

  JULIA I see you have a month's mind to141 them.

  LUCETTA Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see;

  I see things too, although you judge I wink.143

  JULIA Come, come: will't please you go?

  Exeunt

  Act 1 Scene 3

  running scene 3

  Enter Antonio and Pantino

  ANTONIO Tell me, Pantino, what sad1 talk was that

  Wherewith my brother held you in the cloister?2

  PANTINO 'Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son.

  ANTONIO Why? What of him?

  PANTINO He wondered that your lordship

  Would suffer6 him to spend his youth at home,

  While other men, of slender reputation,7

  Put forth their sons to seek preferment8 out:

  Some to the wars to try their fortune there,

  Some to discover islands far away,

  Some to the studious universities;

  For any or for all these exercises,

  He said that Proteus your son was meet,13

  And did request me to importune14 you

  To let him spend his time no more at home,

  Which would be great impeachment to his age,16

  In having known no travel in his youth.

  ANTONIO Nor need'st thou much importune me to that

  Whereon this month I have been hammering.19

  I have considered well his loss of time,

  And how he cannot be a perfect21 man,

  Not being tried22 and tutored in the world:

  Experience is by industry achieved

  And perfected by the swift course of time.

  Then tell me, whither were I best to send him?

  PANTINO I think your lordship is not ignorant26

  How his companion, youthful Valentine,

  Attends the emperor28 in his royal court.

  ANTONIO I know it well.

  PANTINO 'Twere good, I think, your lordship sent him thither:

  There shall he practise tilts31 and tournaments,

  Hear sweet discourse32, converse with noblemen,

  And be in eye of33 every exercise

  Worthy his youth and nobleness of birth.

  ANTONIO I like thy counsel: well hast thou advised.

  And that thou mayst perceive how well I like it,

  The execution37 of it shall make known.

  Even with the speediest expedition38

  I will dispatch him to the emperor's court.

  PANTINO Tomorrow, may it please you, Don Alfonso

  With other gentlemen of good esteem

  Are journeying to salute the emperor

  And to commend43 their service to his will.

  ANTONIO Good company: with them shall Proteus go.

  [Enter Proteus, reading]

  And in good time! Now will we break with45 him.

  PROTEUS Sweet love, sweet lines, sweet life!

  Here is her hand47, the agent of her heart;

  Here is her oath for love, her honour's pawn.48

  O, that our fathers would applaud our loves

  To seal50 our happiness with their consen
ts.

  O heavenly Julia!

  ANTONIO How now? What letter are you reading there?

  PROTEUS May't please your lordship, 'tis a word or two

  Of commendations54 sent from Valentine,

  Delivered by a friend that came from him.

  ANTONIO Lend me the letter: let me see what news.

  PROTEUS There is no news, my lord, but that he writes

  How happily he lives, how well beloved

  And daily graced59 by the emperor,

  Wishing me with him, partner of his fortune.

  ANTONIO And how stand you affected61 to his wish?

  PROTEUS As one relying on your lordship's will,

  And not depending on his63 friendly wish.

  ANTONIO My will is something sorted64 with his wish.

  Muse65 not that I thus suddenly proceed:

  For what I will, I will, and there an end.

  I am resolved that thou shalt spend some time

  With Valentinus in the emperor's court:

  What maintenance he from his friends69 receives,

  Like exhibition70 thou shalt have from me.

  Tomorrow be in readiness to go:

  Excuse it not, for I am peremptory.72

  PROTEUS My lord, I cannot be so soon provided:73

  Please you deliberate a day or two.

  ANTONIO Look75 what thou want'st shall be sent after thee.

  No more of stay:76 tomorrow thou must go.

  Come on, Pantino, you shall be employed

  To hasten on his expedition.

  [Exeunt Antonio and Pantino]

  PROTEUS Thus have I shunned the fire for fear of burning,

  And drenched me in the sea where I am drowned.

  I feared to show my father Julia's letter,

  Lest he should take exceptions82 to my love,

  And with the vantage83 of mine own excuse

  Hath he excepted most against84 my love.

  O, how this spring of love resembleth

  The uncertain glory of an April day,

  Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,

  And by and by a cloud takes all away.

  [Enter Pantino]

  PANTINO Sir Proteus, your father calls for you:

  He is in haste, therefore I pray you go.

  PROTEUS Why, this it is: my heart accords91 thereto,

  And yet a thousand times it answers 'no'.

  Exeunt

  Act 2 Scene 1

  running scene 4

  Enter Valentine [and] Speed

  SPEED Sir, your glove.

  VALENTINE Not mine: my gloves are on.2

  SPEED Why then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

  VALENTINE Ha! Let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine.

  Sweet ornament that decks5 a thing divine.

  Ah, Silvia6, Silvia!

  Calls

  SPEED Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!

  VALENTINE How now, sirrah?8

  SPEED She is not within hearing, sir.

  VALENTINE Why, sir, who bade you call her?

  SPEED Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.

  VALENTINE Well, you'll still be too forward.12

  SPEED And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

  VALENTINE Go to14, sir: tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?

  SPEED She that your worship loves?