The Taming of the Shrew Read online

  Of fruitful land373, all which shall be her jointure374.

  What, have I pinched375 you, Signior Gremio?

  GREMIO Two thousand ducats by the year of land?

  My land amounts not to so much in all.--

  Aside

  That she shall have, besides an argosy378

  That now is lying in Marseillis' road379.

  What, have I choked you with an argosy?

  To Tranio

  TRANIO Gremio, 'tis known my father hath no less

  Than three great argosies, besides two galliases382,

  And twelve tight383 galleys. These I will assure her,

  And twice as much, whate'er thou offer'st next.

  GREMIO Nay, I have offered all, I have no more,

  And she can have no more than all I have.

  If you like me, she shall have me and mine.

  To Baptista

  TRANIO Why then the maid is mine from all the world,

  By your firm promise. Gremio is out-vied389.

  BAPTISTA I must confess your offer is the best,

  And let391 your father make her the assurance,

  She is your own, else392, you must pardon me.

  If you should die before him, where's her dower?

  TRANIO That's but a cavil394. He is old, I young.

  GREMIO And may not young men die, as well as old?

  BAPTISTA Well, gentlemen,

  I am thus resolved: on Sunday next, you know

  My daughter Katherine is to be married.

  Now on the Sunday following, shall Bianca

  Be bride to you, if you make this assurance.

  If not, to Signior Gremio.

  And so, I take my leave, and thank you both.

  Exit

  GREMIO Adieu, good neighbour.-- Now I fear thee not.

  Sirrah young gamester404, your father were a fool

  To give thee all, and in his waning age

  Set foot under thy table406. Tut, a toy!

  An old Italian fox is not so kind, my boy.

  Exit

  TRANIO A vengeance on your crafty withered hide!

  Yet I have faced it with a card of ten409.

  'Tis in my head410 to do my master good:

  I see no reason but supposed Lucentio

  Must get412 a father, called 'supposed Vincentio',

  And that's a wonder. Fathers commonly

  Do get their children, but in this case of wooing,

  A child shall get a sire415, if I fail not of my cunning.

  Exit

  Act 3 [Scene 1]

  running scene 3 continues

  Enter Lucentio [disguised as Cambio], Hortensio [disguised as Litio] and Bianca

  LUCENTIO Fiddler, forbear. You grow too forward, sir1.

  Have you so soon forgot the entertainment2

  Her sister Katherine welcomed you withal3?

  HORTENSIO But, wrangling pedant, this is

  The patroness of heavenly harmony:

  Then give me leave to have prerogative6,

  And when in music we have spent an hour,

  Your lecture8 shall have leisure for as much.

  LUCENTIO Preposterous9 ass, that never read so far

  To know the cause why music was ordained10!

  Was it not to refresh the mind of man

  After his studies or his usual pain12?

  Then give me leave to read philosophy,

  And while I pause, serve in14 your harmony.

  HORTENSIO Sirrah, I will not bear these braves15 of thine.

  BIANCA Why, gentlemen, you do me double wrong

  To strive for that which resteth in my choice17.

  I am no breeching scholar in the schools18,

  I'll not be tied to hours nor 'pointed19 times,

  But learn my lessons as I please myself.

  And, to cut off all strife, here sit we down.

  Take you your instrument, play you the whiles22.

  To Hortensio

  His lecture will be done ere you have tuned.

  HORTENSIO You'll leave his lecture when I am in tune?

  LUCENTIO That will be never. Tune your instrument.

  BIANCA Where left we last?

  LUCENTIO Here, madam:

  'Hic ibat Simois. Hic est Sigeia tellus.

  Hic steterat Priami regia celsa senis.'28

  Reads

  BIANCA Conster30 them.

  LUCENTIO 'Hic ibat', as I told you before, 'Simois', I am Lucentio,

  'hic est', son unto Vincentio of Pisa, 'Sigeia tellus', disguised

  thus to get your love, 'Hic steterat', and that Lucentio that

  comes a-wooing, 'Priami', is my man Tranio, 'regia', bearing

  my port35, 'celsa senis', that we might beguile the old pantaloon.

  HORTENSIO Madam, my instrument's in tune.

  BIANCA Let's hear. O fie37! The treble jars.

  He plays

  LUCENTIO Spit in the hole, man, and tune again38.

  BIANCA Now let me see if I can conster it: 'Hic ibat Simois', I

  know you not, 'hic est Sigeia tellus', I trust you not, 'Hic steterat

  Priami', take heed he hear us not, 'regia', presume not, 'celsa

  senis', despair not.

  HORTENSIO Madam, 'tis now in tune.

  He plays again

  LUCENTIO All but the bass.

  HORTENSIO The bass is right: 'tis the base knave that jars45.

  How fiery and forward our pedant46 is.

  Aside

  Now, for my life, the knave doth court my love.

  Pedascule48, I'll watch you better yet.

  BIANCA In time I may believe, yet I mistrust.

  To Lucentio

  LUCENTIO Mistrust it not, for, sure, Aeacides

  Was Ajax, called so from his grandfather50.

  BIANCA I must believe my master52, else, I promise you,

  I should be arguing still upon that doubt53.

  But let it rest.-- Now, Litio, to you:

  Good master, take it not unkindly, pray,

  That I have been thus pleasant56 with you both.

  HORTENSIO You may go walk, and give me leave57 a while.

  To Lucentio

  My lessons make no music in three parts58.

  LUCENTIO Are you so formal59, sir? Well, I must wait --

  And watch withal60, for, but I be deceived,

  Aside

  Our fine musician groweth amorous.

  He stands aside

  HORTENSIO Madam, before you touch the instrument,

  To learn the order63 of my fingering,

  I must begin with rudiments of art,

  To teach you gamut65 in a briefer sort,

  More pleasant, pithy and effectual,

  Than hath been taught by any of my trade.

  And there it is in writing, fairly drawn68.

  Gives Bianca a paper

  BIANCA Why, I am past my gamut long ago.

  HORTENSIO Yet read the gamut of Hortensio.

  BIANCA 'Gamut I am, the ground of all accord71,

  Reads

  A re, to plead Hortensio's passion.

  B mi, Bianca, take him for thy lord,

  C fa ut, that loves with all affection.

  D sol re, one clef, two notes have I75,

  E la mi, show pity, or I die.'

  Call you this gamut? Tut, I like it not.

  Old78 fashions please me best. I am not so nice

  To change true79 rules for old inventions.

  Enter a Messenger

  MESSENGER Mistress, your father prays you leave your books

  And help to dress your sister's chamber up.

  You know tomorrow is the wedding day.

  BIANCA Farewell, sweet masters both, I must be gone.

  [Exeunt Bianca and Messenger]

  LUCENTIO Faith, mistress, then I have no cause to stay.

  [Exit]

  HORTENSIO But I have cause to pry into85 this pedant.

  Methinks he looks as thoug
h he were in love.

  Yet if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humble

  To cast thy wand'ring eyes on every stale88,

  Seize thee that list89. If once I find thee ranging,

  Hortensio will be quit with90 thee by changing.

  Exit

  [Act 3 Scene 2]

  running scene 4

  Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio, Katherina, Bianca, [Lucentio] and others, Attendants

  BAPTISTA Signior Lucentio, this is the 'pointed day.

  To Tranio

  That Katherine and Petruchio should be married,

  And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.

  What will be said? What mockery will it be,

  To want5 the bridegroom when the priest attends

  To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage?

  What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?

  KATE No shame but mine: I must forsooth8 be forced

  To give my hand opposed against my heart

  Unto a mad-brain rudesby10 full of spleen,

  Who wooed in haste and means to wed at leisure11.

  I told you, I, he was a frantic12 fool,

  Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour.

  And to be noted for14 a merry man,

  He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,

  Make feasts, invite friends, and proclaim the banns,

  Yet never means to wed where he hath wooed.

  Now must the world point at poor Katherine,

  And say, 'Lo19, there is mad Petruchio's wife,

  If it would please him come and marry her.'

  TRANIO Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.

  Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,

  Whatever fortune stays him from his word23.

  Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise,

  Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.

  KATE Would Katherine had never seen him though!

  Exit weeping [followed by Bianca and others]

  BAPTISTA Go, girl. I cannot blame thee now to weep,

  For such an injury would vex a very saint,

  Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour29.

  Enter Biondello

  BIONDELLO Master, master, news! Old30 news, and such news as

  you never heard of!

  BAPTISTA Is it new and old too? How may that be?

  BIONDELLO Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio's coming?

  BAPTISTA Is he come?

  BIONDELLO Why, no, sir.

  BAPTISTA What then?

  BIONDELLO He is coming.

  BAPTISTA When will he be here?

  BIONDELLO When he stands where I am and sees you there.

  TRANIO But say, what to40 thine old news?

  BIONDELLO Why, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old

  jerkin42: a pair of old breeches thrice turned: a pair of boots

  that have been candle-cases43, one buckled, another laced, an

  old rusty sword ta'en out of the town armoury, with a

  broken hilt, and chapeless45: with two broken points: his horse

  hipped46, with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred:

  besides, possessed with the glanders47 and like to mose in the

  chine, troubled with the lampass48, infected with the fashions,

  full of windgalls49, sped with spavins, rayed with yellows, past

  cure of the fives50, stark spoiled

  with the staggers, begnawn with the bots51, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten, near-

  legged before and with a half-checked bit52 and a head-stall of

  sheep's leather53 which, being restrained to keep him from

  stumbling, hath been often burst and now repaired with

  knots, one girth55 six times pieced, and a woman's crupper of

  velure56, which hath two letters for her name fairly set down in

  studs, and here and there pieced with packthread57.

  BAPTISTA Who comes with him?

  BIONDELLO O, sir, his lackey59, for all the world caparisoned like

  the horse: with a linen stock60 on one leg and a kersey boot-

  hose on the other, gartered with a red and blue list61; an old hat

  and the humour of forty fancies62 pricked in't for a feather --

  a monster, a very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian

  footboy64 or a gentleman's lackey.

  TRANIO 'Tis some odd humour pricks65 him to this fashion.

  Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparelled66.

  BAPTISTA I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.

  BIONDELLO Why, sir, he comes not.

  BAPTISTA Didst thou not say he comes?

  BIONDELLO Who? That Petruchio came?

  BAPTISTA Ay, that Petruchio came.

  BIONDELLO No, sir, I say his horse comes, with him on his back.

  BAPTISTA Why, that's all one.

  BIONDELLO Nay, by Saint Jamy74,

  I hold75 you a penny,

  A horse and a man

  Is more than one,

  And yet not many.

  Enter Petruchio and Grumio

  PETRUCHIO Come, where be these gallants79? Who's at home?

  BAPTISTA You are welcome, sir.

  PETRUCHIO And yet I come not well81.

  BAPTISTA And yet you halt82 not.

  TRANIO Not so well apparelled as I wish you were.

  PETRUCHIO Were it better, I should rush in thus.

  But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?

  How does my father? Gentles86, methinks you frown.

  And wherefore87 gaze this goodly company,

  As if they saw some wondrous monument88,

  Some comet89 or unusual prodigy?

  BAPTISTA Why, sir, you know this is your wedding day.

  First were we sad, fearing you would not come,

  Now sadder that you come so unprovided92.

  Fie, doff93 this habit, shame to your estate,

  An eyesore to our solemn94 festival!

  TRANIO And tell us what occasion of import95

  Hath all so long detained you from your wife,

  And sent you hither so unlike yourself?

  PETRUCHIO Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear:

  Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,

  Though in some part enforced to digress,

  Which at more leisure I will so excuse

  As you shall well be satisfied withal.

  But where is Kate? I stay too long from her.

  The morning wears104, 'tis time we were at church.

  TRANIO See not your bride in these unreverent105 robes.

  Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.

  PETRUCHIO Not I, believe me. Thus I'll visit her.

  BAPTISTA But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.

  PETRUCHIO Good sooth109, even thus: therefore ha' done with words.

  To me she's married, not unto my clothes.

  Could I repair what she will wear111 in me,

  As I can change these poor accoutrements112,

  'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.

  But what a fool am I to chat with you,

  When I should bid good morrow to my bride,

  And seal the title with a lovely116 kiss!

  Exeunt [Petruchio and Grumio]

  TRANIO He hath some meaning in his mad attire.

  We will persuade him, be it possible,

  To put on better ere he go to church.

  BAPTISTA I'll after him, and see the event120 of this.

  Exeunt [Baptista, Gremio and Attendants]

  TRANIO But, sir, love concerneth us to add

  To Lucentio

  Her father's liking122, which to bring to pass,

  As before I imparted to your worship,

  I am to get a man -- whate'er he be,

  It skills125 not much, we'll fit him to our turn --

  And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,

  And make ass
urance here in Padua

  Of greater sums than I have promised.

  So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,

  And marry sweet Bianca with consent.

  LUCENTIO Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster

  Doth watch Bianca's steps132 so narrowly,

  'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage133,

  Which once performed, let all the world say no,

  I'll keep mine own, despite of all the world.

  TRANIO That by degrees we mean to look into,

  And watch our vantage137 in this business.

  We'll overreach138 the greybeard, Gremio,

  The narrow-prying139 father, Minola,

  The quaint140 musician, amorous Litio,

  All for my master's sake, Lucentio.

  Enter Gremio

  Signior Gremio, came you from the church?

  GREMIO As willingly as e'er I came from school.

  TRANIO And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?

  GREMIO A bridegroom, say you? 'Tis a groom145 indeed,

  A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.

  TRANIO Curster147 than she? Why, 'tis impossible.

  GREMIO Why he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.

  TRANIO Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.

  GREMIO Tut, she's a lamb, a dove, a fool to150 him.

  I'll tell you, Sir151 Lucentio, when the priest

  Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,

  'Ay, by gogs-wouns153', quoth he, and swore so loud

  That all amazed the priest let fall the book154,

  And as he stooped again to take it up,

  This mad-brained bridegroom took156 him such a cuff

  That down fell priest and book and book and priest.

  'Now take them158 up,' quoth he, 'if any list.'

  TRANIO What said the wench when he rose again?

  GREMIO Trembled and shook, for why160, he stamped and swore,

  As if the vicar meant to cozen161 him.

  But after many162 ceremonies done,

  He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if

  He had been aboard, carousing to his mates

  After a storm, quaffed off165 the muscadel

  And threw the sops166 all in the sexton's face,

  Having no other reason

  But that his beard grew thin and hungerly168

  And seemed to ask him169 sops as he was drinking.

  This done, he took the bride about the neck

  And kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack

  That at the parting all the church did echo.

  And I seeing this came thence for very shame,

  And after me, I know, the rout174 is coming.

  Such a mad marriage never was before.

  Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels176 play.

  Music plays

  Enter Petruchio, Kate, Bianca, Hortensio [disguised as Litio], Baptista, [Grumio and others]

  PETRUCHIO Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains.

  I know you think178 to dine with me today,

  And have prepared great store of wedding cheer179,

  But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,

  And therefore here I mean to take my leave.

  BAPTISTA Is't possible you will away tonight?

  PETRUCHIO I must away today, before night come.

  Make it no wonder184. If you knew my business,

  You would entreat me rather go than stay.

  And honest186 company, I thank you all,

  That have beheld me give away myself