Love's Labour's Lost (Arden Shakespeare) Read online

  colours. But to return to the verses: did they please you, Sir

  Nathaniel?

  NATHANIEL Marvellous well for the pen141.

  HOLOFERNES I do dine today at the father's of a certain pupil of

  mine, where if, before repast, it shall please you to gratify the

  table with a grace, I will, on my privilege I have with the

  parents of the foresaid child or pupil, undertake your ben145

  venuto, where I will prove those verses to be very unlearned,

  neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention. I beseech

  your society148.

  NATHANIEL And thank you too, for society, saith the text149, is the

  happiness of life.

  HOLOFERNES And, certes, the text most infallibly concludes151 it.--

  To Dull

  Sir, I do invite you too: you shall not say me nay.

  Pauca verba.-- Away, the gentles are at their game153, and we

  will to our recreation.

  Exeunt

  [Act 4 Scene 3]

  running scene 4 continues

  Enter Berowne, with a paper in his hand, alone

  BEROWNE The king, he is hunting the deer: I am coursing1

  myself. They have pitched a toil: I am toiling in a pitch, pitch2

  that defiles. Defile, a foul word. Well, set thee down3, sorrow,

  for so they say the fool said, and so say I4, and I the fool. Well

  proved, wit! By the lord, this love is as mad as Ajax: it kills4

  sheep, it kills me -- I a sheep. Well proved again o'my side. I

  will not love; if I do, hang me. I'faith, I will not. O, but her

  eye, -- by this light, but for her eye, I would not love her --

  yes, for her two eyes. Well, I do nothing in the world but lie,

  and lie in10 my throat. By heaven, I do love, and it hath taught

  me to rhyme and to be melancholy. And here is part of my

  rhyme, and here my melancholy. Well, she hath one o'my

  sonnets already. The clown bore it, the fool sent it, and the

  lady hath it. Sweet clown, sweeter fool, sweetest lady! By the

  world, I would not care a pin, if the other three were in. Here

  comes one with a paper. God give him grace to groan16!

  He stands aside. The King entereth [with a paper]

  KING Ay me!

  Speaks aside through the rest of the scene

  BEROWNE Shot, by heaven! Proceed, sweet Cupid,

  thou hast thumped him with thy bird-bolt under20

  the left pap20. In faith, secrets!

  Reads

  KING 'So sweet a kiss the golden sun gives not

  To those fresh morning drops upon the rose,

  As thy eye-beams23, when their fresh rays have smote

  The night of dew24 that on my cheeks down flows.

  Nor shines the silver moon one half so bright

  Through the transparent bosom of the deep26,

  As doth thy face through tears of mine give light.

  Thou shin'st in every tear that I do weep,

  No drop but as a coach doth carry thee:

  So ridest thou triumphing in my woe.

  Do but behold the tears that swell in me,

  And they thy glory through my grief will show.

  But do not love thyself: then thou wilt keep

  My tears for glasses, and still34 make me weep.

  O queen of queens, how far dost thou excel,

  No thought can think, nor tongue of mortal tell.'

  How shall she know my griefs? I'll drop the paper.

  Sweet leaves, shade folly. Who is he comes here?

  Enter Longaville [with a paper]

  The King steps aside

  What, Longaville, and reading? Listen, ear.

  BEROWNE Now, in thy40 likeness, one more fool appear!

  LONGAVILLE Ay me, I am forsworn!

  Speaks aside through the rest of the scene

  BEROWNE Why, he comes in like a perjure, wearing papers42.

  KING In love, I hope. Sweet fellowship in shame!

  BEROWNE One drunkard loves another of the name44.

  LONGAVILLE Am I the first that have been perjured so?

  BEROWNE I could put thee in comfort: not by two that I know.

  Thou makest the triumviry, the corner-cap of society47,

  The shape of Love's Tyburn that hangs up simplicity48.

  LONGAVILLE I fear these stubborn lines lack power to move49.

  Reads

  'O sweet Maria, empress of my love--'

  Tears paper

  These numbers51 will I tear and write in prose.

  BEROWNE O, rhymes are guards on wanton Cupid's hose52:

  Disfigure not his shop53.

  LONGAVILLE This same shall go.

  He reads the sonnet

  'Did not the heavenly rhetoric of thine eye,

  Gainst whom the world cannot hold argument,

  Persuade my heart to this false perjury?

  Vows for thee broke deserve not punishment.

  A woman I forswore, but I will prove,

  Thou being a goddess, I forswore not thee.

  My vow was earthly, thou a heavenly love:

  Thy grace62 being gained cures all disgrace in me.

  Vows are but breath, and breath a vapour is:

  Then thou, fair sun, which on my earth dost shine,

  Exhal'st65 this vapour-vow, in thee it is.

  If broken then, it is no fault of mine:

  If by me broke, what fool is not so wise

  To68 lose an oath to win a paradise?'

  BEROWNE This is the liver vein,69 which makes flesh a deity,

  A green goose70 a goddess. Pure, pure idolatry.

  God amend us, God amend! We are much out o'th'way71.

  LONGAVILLE By whom shall I send this? Company? Stay.

  Enter Dumaine [with a paper]

  Longaville steps aside

  BEROWNE All hid, all hid: an old infant play73.

  Like a demigod here sit I in the sky,

  And wretched fools' secrets heedfully o'er-eye75.

  More sacks to the mill. O heavens, I have my wish!76

  Dumaine transformed! Four woodcocks77 in a dish!

  DUMAINE O most divine Kate!

  BEROWNE O most profane coxcomb79!

  DUMAINE By heaven, the wonder of a mortal eye!

  BEROWNE By earth, she is not, corporal81: there you lie.

  DUMAINE Her amber hairs for foul hath amber quoted82.

  BEROWNE An amber-coloured raven was well noted83.

  DUMAINE As upright as the cedar.

  BEROWNE Stoop85, I say.

  Her shoulder is with child86.

  DUMAINE As fair as day.

  BEROWNE Ay, as some days, but then no sun must shine.

  DUMAINE O that I had my wish!

  Aside

  LONGAVILLE And I had mine!

  Aside

  KING And I mine too, good lord!

  BEROWNE Amen, so I had mine! Is not that a good word92?

  DUMAINE I would forget her, but a93 fever she

  Reigns in my blood and will remembered be.

  BEROWNE A fever in your blood? Why then incision95

  Would let her out in saucers. Sweet misprision96!

  DUMAINE Once more I'll read the ode that I have writ.

  BEROWNE Once more I'll mark how love can vary wit98.

  Reads his sonnet

  DUMAINE 'On a day -- alack the day! --

  Love, whose month is ever May,

  Spied a blossom passing101 fair

  Playing in the wanton102 air:

  Through the velvet leaves the wind,

  All unseen, can passage find.

  That the lover, sick to death105,

  Wish himself the heaven's breath.

  "Air", quoth he, "thy cheeks may blow,

  Air, would I might triumph so!

  But, alack, my hand is swor
n

  Ne'er to pluck thee from thy thorn.

  Vow, alack, for youth unmeet111,

  Youth so apt to pluck a sweet112.

  Do not call it sin in me,

  That I am forsworn for thee:

  Thou for whom Jove would swear

  Juno but an Ethiope116 were,

  And deny himself for117 Jove,

  Turning mortal for thy love." '

  This will I send, and something else more plain,

  That shall express my true love's fasting pain.

  O, would the king, Berowne, and Longaville

  Were lovers too! Ill, to example122 ill,

  Would from my forehead wipe a perjured note123,

  For none offend where all alike do dote124.

  Comes forward

  LONGAVILLE Dumaine, thy love is far from charity125,

  That in love's grief desirest society126.

  You may look pale, but I should blush, I know,

  To be o'erheard and taken napping128 so.

  Comes forward

  KING Come, sir, you blush: as his your case is such129,

  You chide at him, offending twice as much.

  You do not love Maria? Longaville

  Did never sonnet for her sake compile,

  Nor never lay his wreathed arms athwart133

  His loving bosom to keep down his heart?

  I have been closely135 shrouded in this bush

  And marked you both and for you both did blush.

  I heard your guilty rhymes, observed your fashion137,

  Saw sighs reek138 from you, noted well your passion.

  'Ay me', says one, 'O Jove!' the other cries,

  One, her hairs were gold, crystal the other's eyes:

  To Longaville

  You would for paradise break faith and troth141,

  To Dumaine

  And Jove, for your love, would infringe an oath.

  What will Berowne say when that he shall hear

  Faith infringed which such zeal did swear?

  How will he scorn? How will he spend145 his wit?

  How will he triumph, leap and laugh at it!

  For all the wealth that ever I did see,

  I would not have him know so much by148 me.

  Comes forward

  BEROWNE Now step I forth to whip hypocrisy.

  Ah, good my liege, I pray thee pardon me.

  Good heart, what grace151 hast thou, thus to reprove

  These worms152 for loving, that art most in love?

  Your eyes do make no coaches153. In your tears

  There is no certain princess that appears.

  You'll not be perjured, 'tis a hateful thing,

  Tush, none but minstrels like of sonneting156.

  But are you not ashamed? Nay, are you not,

  All three of you, to be thus much o'ershot158?

  To Longaville

  You found his mote159, the king your mote did see,

  But I a beam160 do find in each of three.

  O, what a scene of fool'ry have I seen,

  Of sighs, of groans, of sorrow and of teen162!

  O me, with what strict patience have I sat,

  To see a king transformed to a gnat164!

  To see great Hercules whipping a gig165,

  And profound Solomon tuning a jig166,

  And Nestor play at push-pin167 with the boys,

  And critic Timon laugh at idle toys168.

  Where lies thy grief? O, tell me, good Dumaine;

  And gentle Longaville, where lies thy pain?

  And where my liege's? All about the breast?

  A caudle172, ho!

  KING Too bitter is thy jest.

  Are we betrayed thus to thy over-view174?

  BEROWNE Not you to me, but I betrayed by you:

  I, that am honest176, I, that hold it sin

  To break the vow I am engaged in,

  I am betrayed by keeping company

  With men like you, men of inconstancy.

  When shall you see me write a thing in rhyme?

  Or groan for Joan? Or spend a minute's time

  In pruning me182? When shall you hear that I

  Will praise a hand, a foot, a face, an eye,

  A gait, a state184, a brow, a breast, a waist,

  A leg, a limb--

  Starts to leave

  KING Soft!186 Whither away so fast?

  A true187 man or a thief that gallops so?

  BEROWNE I post188 from love. Good lover, let me go.

  Enter Jaquenetta [with a letter] and Clown [Costard]

  JAQUENETTA God bless the king!

  KING What present190 hast thou there?

  COSTARD Some certain treason.

  KING What makes treason192 here?

  COSTARD Nay, it makes nothing, sir.

  KING If it mar194 nothing neither,

  The treason and you go in peace away together.

  JAQUENETTA I beseech your grace, let this letter be read.

  Gives letter to the King

  Our person misdoubts197 it: 'twas treason, he said.

  KING Berowne, read it over--

  Gives the letter to Berowne

  Where hadst thou it?

  To Jaquenetta

  JAQUENETTA Of Costard.

  [Berowne] reads the letter

  KING Where hadst thou it?

  COSTARD Of Dun Adramadio, Dun Adramadio.

  Berowne tears the letter

  KING How now? What is in you? Why dost thou tear it?

  BEROWNE A toy204, my liege, a toy. Your grace needs not fear it.

  LONGAVILLE It did move him to passion205, and therefore let's hear it.

  DUMAINE It is Berowne's writing and here is his name.

  Gathers the pieces and reads them

  BEROWNE Ah, you whoreson loggerhead207! You were born to do me shame.--

  To Costard

  Guilty, my lord, guilty. I confess, I confess.

  KING What?

  BEROWNE That you three fools lacked me fool to make up the mess210:

  He, he, and you -- and you, my liege -- and I,

  Are pick-purses212 in love, and we deserve to die.

  O, dismiss this audience and I shall tell you more.

  DUMAINE Now the number is even.

  BEROWNE True, true: we are four.

  Will these turtles216 be gone?

  KING Hence, sirs217, away!

  To Costard and Jaquenetta

  COSTARD Walk aside the true folk218 and let the traitors stay.

  [Exeunt Costard and Jaquenetta]

  BEROWNE Sweet lords, sweet lovers, O, let us embrace!

  As true we are as flesh and blood can be,

  The sea will ebb and flow, heaven show his face:

  Young blood doth not obey an old decree.

  We cannot cross the cause why we are born223:

  Therefore of all hands224 must we be forsworn.

  KING What, did these rent225 lines show some love of thine?

  BEROWNE 'Did they', quoth you? Who sees the heavenly Rosaline,

  That, like a rude and savage man of Ind227,

  At the first opening228 of the gorgeous east,

  Bows not his vassal229 head, and strucken blind,

  Kisses the base ground with obedient breast?

  What peremptory eagle-sighted231 eye

  Dares look upon the heaven of her brow

  That is not blinded by her majesty?

  KING What zeal, what fury234 hath inspired thee now?

  My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon,

  She, an attending star, scarce seen a light236.

  BEROWNE My eyes are then no eyes, nor I Berowne.

  O, but for my love238, day would turn to night!

  Of all complexions the culled sovereignty239

  Do meet as at a fair in her fair cheek,

  Where several worthies make one dignity241,

  Where nothing wants that want242 itself doth seek.

  Lend me the flourish of all
gentle243 tongues --

  Fie, painted244 rhetoric! O, she needs it not,

  To things of245 sale a seller's praise belongs:

  She passes praise, then praise too short doth blot246.

  A withered hermit, fivescore winters worn247,

  Might shake off fifty, looking in her eye.

  Beauty doth varnish249 age as if new-born,

  And gives the crutch the cradle's infancy250.

  O, 'tis the sun that maketh all things shine.

  KING By heaven, thy love is black as ebony252.

  BEROWNE Is ebony like her? O word divine!

  A wife of such wood were felicity254.

  O, who can give an oath? Where is a book255?

  That I may swear beauty doth beauty lack

  If that she learn not of her eye to look257.

  No face is fair that is not full so black258.

  KING O paradox! Black is the badge of hell,

  The hue of dungeons and the school260 of night,

  And beauty's crest becomes261 the heavens well.

  BEROWNE Devils soonest tempt, resembling spirits of light262.

  O, if in black my lady's brows be decked,

  It mourns that painting and usurping hair264

  Should ravish doters with a false aspect265,

  And therefore is she born to make black fair.

  Her favour turns the fashion of the days267,

  For native blood is counted painting268 now,

  And therefore red that would avoid dispraise269

  Paints itself black, to imitate her brow.

  DUMAINE To look like her are chimney-sweepers black.

  LONGAVILLE And since her time are colliers272 counted bright.

  KING And Ethiops of their sweet complexion crack273.

  DUMAINE Dark needs no candles now, for dark is light.

  BEROWNE Your mistresses dare never come in275 rain,

  For fear their colours276 should be washed away.

  KING 'Twere good, yours did, for, sir, to tell you plain,

  I'll find a fairer face not washed today.

  BEROWNE I'll prove her fair, or talk till doomsday here.

  KING No devil will fright thee then280 so much as she.

  DUMAINE I never knew man hold vile281 stuff so dear.

  Shows his shoe

  LONGAVILLE Look, here's282 thy love: my foot and her face see.

  BEROWNE O, if the streets were paved with thine eyes,

  Her feet were much too dainty284 for such tread.

  DUMAINE O, vile! Then, as she goes, what upward lies285

  The street should see as she walked overhead.

  KING But what of this? Are we not all in love?

  BEROWNE O, nothing so sure, and thereby all forsworn.

  KING Then leave this chat, and good Berowne, now prove289

  Our loving lawful, and our faith not torn.

  DUMAINE Ay, marry, there, some flattery for this evil291.

  LONGAVILLE O, some authority how to proceed.

  Some tricks, some quillets293, how to cheat the devil.

  DUMAINE Some salve294 for perjury.

  BEROWNE O, 'tis more than need295.