Henry IV, Part 1 Read online

shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death

  for all this, if I scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have

  forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty

  year, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the

  rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll

  be hanged; it could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins,

  Hal, a plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve ere I

  rob a foot further. An ’twere not as good a deed as to drink, to

  turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest

  varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven

  ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me, and the

  stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon’t

  when thieves cannot be true one to another!

  They whistle

  Whew! A plague light upon you all!

  The Prince, Poins, Peto and Bardolph come forward

  Give me my horse, you rogues. Give me

  my horse, and be hanged!

  PRINCE HENRY Peace, ye fat-guts! Lie down, lay thine ear close to

  the ground and list if thou can hear the tread of travellers.

  FALSTAFF Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down?

  I’ll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin

  in thy father’s exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me

  thus?

  PRINCE HENRY Thou liest. Thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.

  FALSTAFF I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,

  good king’s son.

  PRINCE HENRY Out, you rogue! Shall I be your ostler?

  FALSTAFF Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters!

  If I be ta’en, I’ll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on

  all and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison.

  When a jest is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.

  Enter Gadshill

  GADSHILL Stand.

  FALSTAFF So I do, against my will.

  POINS O, ’tis our setter. I know his voice.

  BARDOLPH What news?

  GADSHILL Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards. There’s money

  of the king’s coming down the hill, ’tis going to the king’s

  exchequer.

  FALSTAFF You lie, you rogue, ’tis going to the King’s Tavern.

  GADSHILL There’s enough to make us all.

  FALSTAFF To be hanged.

  PRINCE HENRY You four shall front them in the narrow lane.

  Ned and I will walk lower; if they scape from your encounter,

  then they light on us.

  PETO But how many be of them?

  GADSHILL Some eight or ten.

  FALSTAFF Will they not rob us?

  PRINCE HENRY What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?

  FALSTAFF Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;

  but yet no coward, Hal.

  PRINCE HENRY We’ll leave that to the proof.

  POINS Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge.

  When thou need’st him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell,

  and stand fast.

  FALSTAFF Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.

  PRINCE HENRY Ned, where are our disguises?

  To Poins

  POINS Here, hard by. Stand close.

  To Prince Henry

  [Exeunt Prince Henry and Poins]

  FALSTAFF Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I.

  Every man to his business.

  Enter Travellers

  FIRST TRAVELLER Come, neighbour. The boy shall lead our horses

  down the hill. We’ll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs.

  THIEVES Stay!

  TRAVELLERS Jesu bless us!

  FALSTAFF Strike, down with them! Cut the villains’ throats.

  Ah, whoreson caterpillars, bacon-fed knaves! They hate us

  youth, down with them, fleece them.

  TRAVELLERS O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!

  FALSTAFF Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are you undone? No, ye

  fat chuffs, I would your store were here! On, bacons, on!

  What, ye knaves? Young men must live. You are grand-

  jurors, are ye? We’ll jure ye, i’faith.

  Here they rob them and bind them [Exeunt]

  Enter the Prince and Poins

  PRINCE HENRY The thieves have bound the true men. Now could

  thou and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it would

  be argument for a week, laughter for a month and a good jest

  for ever.

  POINS Stand close. I hear them coming.

  Enter Thieves again

  FALSTAFF Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse

  before day. An the prince and Poins be not two arrant

  cowards, there’s no equity stirring. There’s no more valour

  in that Poins than in a wild duck.

  PRINCE HENRY Your money!

  POINS Villains!

  As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them. They all run

  away, leaving the booty behind them

  PRINCE HENRY Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse.

  The thieves are scattered and possessed with fear

  So strongly that they dare not meet each other:

  Each takes his fellow for an officer.

  Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,

  And lards the lean earth as he walks along.

  Were’t not for laughing, I should pity him.

  POINS How the rogue roared!

  Exeunt

  Act 2 Scene 3

  running scene 6

  Location: Hotspur’s estate (historically, Warkworth Castle in Northumberland)

  Enter Hotspur, solus, reading a letter

  HOTSPUR ‘But for mine own part, my lord, I could be well

  contented to be there, in respect of the love I bear your

  house.’ He could be contented: why is he not, then? In

  respect of the love he bears our house. He shows in this, he

  loves his own barn better than he loves our house. Let me see

  some more. ‘The purpose you undertake is dangerous’ —

  why, that’s certain: ’tis dangerous to take a cold, to sleep, to

  drink. But I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle, danger,

  we pluck this flower, safety. ‘The purpose you undertake is

  dangerous, the friends you have named uncertain, the time

  itself unsorted and your whole plot too light for the

  counterpoise of so great an opposition.’ Say you so, say you

  so? I say unto you again, you are a shallow cowardly hind,

  and you lie. What a lack-brain is this? I protest, our plot is as

  good a plot as ever was laid; our friends true and constant: a

  good plot, good friends, and full of expectation. An excellent

  plot, very good friends. What a frosty-spirited rogue is this?

  Why, my lord of York commends the plot and the general

  course of the action. By this hand if I were now by this

  rascal, I could brain him with his lady’s fan. Is there not my

  father, my uncle and myself, Lord Edmund Mortimer, my

  lord of York and Owen Glendower? Is there not besides the

  Douglas? Have I not all their letters to meet me in arms by the

  ninth of the next month? And are they not some of them set

  forward already? What a pagan rascal is this? An infidel! Ha,

  you shall see now in very sincerity of fear and cold heart,

  will he to the king and lay open all our proceedings. O, I

  could divide myself and go to buffets, for moving such a dish

  of skimmed milk with so h
onourable an action! Hang him.

  Let him tell the king we are prepared. I will set forwards

  tonight.

  Enter his Lady

  How now, Kate? I must leave you within these two hours.

  LADY PERCY O, my good lord, why are you thus alone?

  For what offence have I this fortnight been

  A banished woman from my Harry’s bed?

  Tell me, sweet lord, what is’t that takes from thee

  Thy stomach , pleasure and thy golden sleep?

  Why dost thou bend thine eyes upon the earth,

  And start so often when thou sit’st alone?

  Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheeks,

  And given my treasures and my rights of thee

  To thick-eyed musing and cursed melancholy?

  In my faint slumbers I by thee have watched,

  And heard thee murmur tales of iron wars,

  Speak terms of manage to thy bounding steed,

  Cry ‘Courage! To the field!’ And thou hast talked

  Of sallies and retires, trenches, tents,

  Of palisadoes, frontiers, parapets,

  Of basilisks, of cannon, culverin,

  Of prisoners’ ransom and of soldiers slain,

  And all the current of a heady fight.

  Thy spirit within thee hath been so at war

  And thus hath so bestirred thee in thy sleep,

  That beads of sweat hath stood upon thy brow

  Like bubbles in a late-disturbèd stream;

  And in thy face strange motions have appeared,

  Such as we see when men restrain their breath

  On some great sudden haste. O, what portents are these?

  Some heavy business hath my lord in hand,

  And I must know it, else he loves me not.

  HOTSPUR What, ho!

  [Enter a Servant]

  Is Gilliams with the packet gone?

  SERVANT He is, my lord, an hour agone.

  HOTSPUR Hath Butler brought those horses from the sheriff?

  SERVANT One horse, my lord, he brought even now.

  HOTSPUR What horse? A roan, a crop-ear, is it not?

  SERVANT It is, my lord.

  HOTSPUR That roan shall be my throne.

  Well, I will back him straight. Esperance!

  Bid Butler lead him forth into the park.

  [Exit Servant]

  LADY PERCY But hear you, my lord.

  HOTSPUR What say’st thou, my lady?

  LADY PERCY What is it carries you away?

  HOTSPUR Why, my horse, my love, my horse.

  LADY PERCY Out, you mad-headed ape!

  A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen

  As you are tossed with. In sooth,

  I’ll know your business, Harry, that I will.

  I fear my brother Mortimer doth stir

  About his title, and hath sent for you

  To line his enterprise. But if you go—

  HOTSPUR So far afoot, I shall be weary, love.

  LADY PERCY Come, come, you paraquito, answer me

  Directly unto this question that I shall ask:

  Indeed, I’ll break thy little finger, Harry,

  If thou wilt not tell me true.

  HOTSPUR Away,

  Away, you trifler! Love? I love thee not.

  I care not for thee, Kate. This is no world

  To play with mammets and to tilt with lips.

  We must have bloody noses and cracked crowns,

  And pass them current too.— God’s me, my horse!

  What say’st thou, Kate? What wouldst thou have with me?

  LADY PERCY Do ye not love me? Do ye not, indeed?

  Well, do not then, for since you love me not,

  I will not love myself. Do you not love me?

  Nay, tell me if thou speak’st in jest or no.

  HOTSPUR Come, wilt thou see me ride?

  And when I am a-horseback, I will swear

  I love thee infinitely. But hark you, Kate,

  I must not have you henceforth question me

  Whither I go, nor reason whereabout.

  Whither I must, I must. And to conclude,

  This evening must I leave thee, gentle Kate.

  I know you wise, but yet no further wise

  Than Harry Percy’s wife. Constant you are,

  But yet a woman: and for secrecy,

  No lady closer, for I well believe

  Thou wilt not utter what thou dost not know,

  And so far will I trust thee, gentle Kate.

  LADY PERCY How? So far?

  HOTSPUR Not an inch further. But hark you, Kate:

  Whither I go, thither shall you go too.

  Today will I set forth, tomorrow you.

  Will this content you, Kate?

  LADY PERCY It must of force.

  Exeunt

  Act 2 Scene 4

  running scene 7

  Location: a tavern in Eastcheap, London

  Enter Prince and Poins

  PRINCE HENRY Ned, prithee come out of that fat room, and lend

  me thy hand to laugh a little.

  POINS Where hast been, Hal?

  PRINCE HENRY With three or four loggerheads amongst three or

  fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very base-string of

  humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers,

  and can call them by their names, as Tom, Dick and Francis.

  They take it already upon their confidence that though I be

  but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy, telling me

  flatly I am no proud Jack like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad

  of mettle, a good boy, and when I am king of England, I shall

  command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking

  deep, dyeing scarlet; and when you breathe in your

  watering, then they cry ‘Hem!’ and bid you play it off. To

  conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour

  that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during

  my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honour that

  thou wert not with me in this action. But, sweet Ned — to

  sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of

  sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an under-skinker,

  one that never spake other English in his life than ‘Eight

  shillings and sixpence’ and ‘You are welcome’, with this

  shrill addition, ‘Anon, anon, sir!— Score a pint of bastard in

  the Half-Moon’, or so. But, Ned, to drive away time till

  Falstaff come, I prithee do thou stand in some by-room while

  I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar

  and do never leave calling ‘Francis’, that his tale to me may

  be nothing but ‘Anon’. Step aside, and I’ll show thee a

  precedent.

  POINS Francis!

  PRINCE HENRY Thou art perfect.

  POINS Francis!

  [Exit Poins]

  Enter Drawer [Francis]

  FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir.— Look down into the Pomgarnet,

  Ralph.

  PRINCE HENRY Come hither, Francis.

  FRANCIS My lord?

  PRINCE HENRY How long hast thou to serve, Francis?

  FRANCIS Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—

  POINS Francis!

  Within

  FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir.

  PRINCE HENRY Five years. By’r lady, a long lease for the clinking

  of pewter. But Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play

  the coward with thy indenture and show it a fair pair of

  heels and run from it?

  FRANCIS O lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in

  England, I could find in my heart—

  POINS Francis!

  Within

  FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir.

&nbs
p; PRINCE HENRY How old art thou, Francis?

  FRANCIS Let me see — about Michaelmas next I shall be—

  POINS Francis!

  Within

  FRANCIS Anon, sir.— Pray you stay a little, my lord.

  PRINCE HENRY Nay, but hark you, Francis, for the sugar thou

  gavest me, ’twas a pennyworth, was’t not?

  FRANCIS O lord, sir, I would it had been two!

  PRINCE HENRY I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask me

  when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.

  POINS Francis!

  Within

  FRANCIS Anon, anon.

  PRINCE HENRY Anon, Francis? No, Francis. But tomorrow,

  Francis, or, Francis, on Thursday, or indeed, Francis, when

  thou wilt. But, Francis!

  FRANCIS My lord?

  PRINCE HENRY Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-

  button, not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter,

  smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch—

  FRANCIS O lord, sir, who do you mean?

  PRINCE HENRY Why, then, your brown bastard is your only

  drink, for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will

  sully. In Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.

  FRANCIS What, sir?

  POINS Francis!

  Within

  PRINCE HENRY Away, you rogue! Dost thou hear them call?

  Here they both call him. The Drawer stands amazed, not

  knowing which way to go

  Enter Vintner

  VINTNER What, stand’st thou still, and hear’st such a calling?

  Look to the guests within.

  [Exit Francis]

  My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen more, are at the

  door: shall I let them in?

  PRINCE HENRY Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.

  Poins!

  [Exit Vintner]

  Enter Poins

  POINS Anon, anon, sir.

  PRINCE HENRY Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at

  the door. Shall we be merry?

  POINS As merry as crickets , my lad. But hark ye: what

  cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer?

  Come, what’s the issue?

  PRINCE HENRY I am now of all humours that have showed