Twelfth Night Read online

  TEXT: First Folio of 1623 is only early printed text. Probably set from scribal copy, it is exceptionally free from errors and textual problems.

  TWELFTH NIGHT,

  OR WHAT YOU WILL

  LIST OF PARTS

  ORSINO, Duke of Illyria

  courtiers attending upon Orsino

  CURIO

  VALENTINE

  VIOLA, later disguised as Cesario A Sea-CAPTAIN

  SEBASTIAN, Viola's twin brother ANTONIO, another sea-captain OLIVIA, a Countess in Illyria MARIA, her waiting-woman SIR TOBY BELCH, Olivia's kinsman SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK, companion of Sir Toby MALVOLIO, Olivia's steward FABIAN, a member of Olivia's household FESTE the clown, Olivia's jester Musicians, Sailors, Lords, Officers, Servants, Attendants, and a Priest

  Act 1 Scene 1

  running scene 1

  Music plays

  Enter Orsino Duke of Illyria, Curio and other Lords

  ORSINO If music be the food of love, play on,

  Give me excess of it, that surfeiting2,

  The appetite3 may sicken and so die.

  That strain again, it had a dying fall4:

  O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound5

  That breathes upon a bank of violets,

  Stealing and giving odour. Enough, no more,

  Music stops

  'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.

  O spirit of love, how quick and fresh9 art thou

  That, notwithstanding thy capacity10,

  Receiveth as the sea.11 Nought enters there,

  Of what validity and pitch12 soe'er,

  But falls into abatement13 and low price

  Even in a minute. So full of shapes is fancy14

  That it alone is high fantastical.15

  CURIO Will you go hunt, my lord?

  ORSINO What, Curio?

  CURIO The hart.18

  ORSINO Why so I do, the noblest that I have.

  O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,

  Methought she purged the air of pestilence.21

  That instant was I turned into a hart,

  And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds23,

  E'er since pursue me.

  Enter Valentine

  How now, what news from her?

  VALENTINE So please my lord, I might not be admitted,

  But from her handmaid do return this answer:

  The element itself, till seven years' heat27,

  Shall not behold her face at ample28 view,

  But like a cloistress29 she will veiled walk,

  And water once a day her chamber round

  With eye-offending brine -- all this to season31

  A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh

  And lasting in her sad remembrance.

  ORSINO O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame

  To pay this debt of love but to a brother,

  How will she love when the rich golden shaft36

  Hath killed the flock of all affections else37

  That live in her -- when liver, brain and heart38,

  These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and filled39

  Her sweet perfections with one self40 king!

  Away before me, to sweet beds of flowers.

  Love thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.

  Exeunt

  Act 1 Scene 2

  running scene 2

  Enter Viola, a Captain and Sailors

  VIOLA What country, friends, is this?

  CAPTAIN This is Illyria, lady.

  VIOLA And what should I do in Illyria?

  My brother he is in Elysium.4

  Perchance5 he is not drowned: what think you, sailors?

  CAPTAIN It is perchance that you yourself were saved.

  VIOLA O, my poor brother! And so perchance may he be.

  CAPTAIN True, madam, and to comfort you with chance8,

  Assure yourself, after our ship did split,

  When you and those poor number saved with you

  Hung on our driving11 boat, I saw your brother,

  Most provident12 in peril, bind himself --

  Courage and hope both teaching him the practice13 --

  To a strong mast that lived14 upon the sea,

  Where, like Arion15 on the dolphin's back,

  I saw him hold acquaintance with16 the waves

  So long as I could see.

  Gives money

  VIOLA For saying so, there's gold.

  Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope19,

  Whereto thy speech serves for authority,

  The like of him.21 Know'st thou this country?

  CAPTAIN Ay, madam, well, for I was bred and born

  Not three hours' travel from this very place.

  VIOLA Who governs here?

  CAPTAIN A noble duke, in nature as in name.

  VIOLA What is his name?

  CAPTAIN Orsino.

  VIOLA Orsino. I have heard my father name him.

  He was a bachelor then.

  CAPTAIN And so is now, or was so very late30,

  For but a month ago I went from hence,

  And then 'twas fresh in murmur32 -- as you know,

  What great ones do, the less will prattle of33 --

  That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.

  VIOLA What's she?

  CAPTAIN A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count

  That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her

  In the protection of his son, her brother,

  Who shortly also died, for whose dear love,

  They say, she hath abjured the sight

  And company of men.

  VIOLA O that I served that lady,

  And might not be delivered to the world43

  Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,

  What my estate is.

  CAPTAIN That were hard to compass46,

  Because she will admit no kind of suit47,

  No, not48 the duke's.

  VIOLA There is a fair behaviour49 in thee, captain,

  And though that50 nature with a beauteous wall

  Doth oft close in51 pollution, yet of thee

  I will believe thou hast a mind that suits52

  With this thy fair and outward character.53

  I prithee -- and I'll pay thee bounteously --

  Conceal me what I am, and be my aid

  For such disguise as haply shall become56

  The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke.

  Thou shalt present me as an eunuch58 to him.

  It may be worth thy pains, for I can sing

  And speak to him in many sorts of music

  That will allow me very worth61 his service.

  What else may hap62, to time I will commit,

  Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.63

  CAPTAIN Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be:

  When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.

  VIOLA I thank thee. Lead me on.

  Exeunt

  Act 1 Scene 3

  running scene 3

  Enter Sir Toby [Belch] and Maria

  SIR TOBY What a plague means my niece1 to take the death of

  her brother thus? I am sure care2's an enemy to life.

  MARIA By my troth3, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier

  a-nights: your cousin4, my lady, takes great exceptions to

  your ill5 hours.

  SIR TOBY Why, let her except, before excepted.6

  MARIA Ay, but you must confine yourself within the

  modest8 limits of order.

  SIR TOBY Confine? I'll confine myself no finer9 than I am:

  these clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these

  boots too. An11 they be not, let them hang themselves in their

  own straps.

  MARIA That quaffing13 and drinking will undo you. I heard

  my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish knight that you

  brought in one night here to be her woo
er.

  SIR TOBY Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?16

  MARIA Ay, he.

  SIR TOBY He's as tall a man as any's18 in Illyria.

  MARIA What's that to th'purpose?

  SIR TOBY Why, he has three thousand ducats20 a year.

  MARIA Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats21: he's

  a very fool and a prodigal.22

  SIR TOBY Fie, that you'll say so! He plays o'th'viol-de-gamboys23,

  and speaks three or four languages word for word

  without book25, and hath all the good gifts of nature.

  MARIA He hath indeed, almost natural26, for, besides that

  he's a fool, he's a great quarreller: and but that he hath the

  gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in28 quarrelling, 'tis

  thought among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of

  a grave.

  SIR TOBY By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors31

  that say so of him. Who are they?

  MARIA They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your

  company.

  SIR TOBY With drinking healths to my niece. I'll drink to her

  as long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria.

  He's a coward and a coystrill37 that will not drink to my niece

  till his brains turn o'th'toe like a parish top.38 What, wench?

  Castiliano vulgo! For here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.39

  Enter Sir Andrew [Aguecheek]

  SIR ANDREW Sir Toby Belch. How now, Sir Toby Belch?

  SIR TOBY Sweet Sir Andrew.

  To Maria

  SIR ANDREW Bless you, fair shrew.42

  MARIA And you too, sir.

  SIR TOBY Accost44, Sir Andrew, accost.

  SIR ANDREW What's that?

  SIR TOBY My niece's chambermaid.46

  SIR ANDREW Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.

  MARIA My name is Mary, sir.

  SIR ANDREW Good Mistress Mary Accost --

  SIR TOBY You mistake, knight. 'Accost' is front her, board50 her,

  woo her, assail51 her.

  SIR ANDREW By my troth, I would not undertake her in this52

  company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?

  MARIA Fare you well, gentlemen.

  Starts to leave

  SIR TOBY An thou let part so55, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst

  never draw sword56 again.

  SIR ANDREW An you part so, mistress, I would I might never

  draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in58

  hand?

  MARIA Sir, I have not you by th'hand.

  Gives her his hand

  SIR ANDREW Marry61, but you shall have, and here's

  my hand.

  MARIA Now, sir, thought is free.63 I pray you bring your hand

  to th'buttery-bar64 and let it drink.

  SIR ANDREW Wherefore65, sweetheart? What's your metaphor?

  MARIA It's dry66, sir.

  SIR ANDREW Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can keep67

  my hand dry. But what's your jest?

  MARIA A dry jest69, sir.

  SIR ANDREW Are you full of them?

  MARIA Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends.71

  Lets go of his hand

  Marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.72

  Exit Maria

  SIR TOBY O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary.73 When did I

  see thee so put down?74

  SIR ANDREW Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary

  put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than

  a Christian or an ordinary man has. But I am a great eater of77

  beef and I believe that does harm to my wit.

  SIR TOBY No question.

  SIR ANDREW An I thought that, I'd forswear it.80 I'll ride home

  tomorrow, Sir Toby.

  SIR TOBY Pourquoi82, my dear knight?

  SIR ANDREW What is 'Pourquoi'? Do or not do? I would I had

  bestowed that time in the tongues84 that I have in fencing,

  dancing and bear-baiting. O, had I but followed the arts!85

  SIR TOBY Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.86

  SIR ANDREW Why, would that have mended87 my hair?

  SIR TOBY Past question, for thou see'st it will not curl by

  nature.

  SIR ANDREW But it becomes90 me well enough, does't not?

  SIR TOBY Excellent. It hangs like flax on a distaff91, and I hope

  to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin it off.92

  SIR ANDREW Faith, I'll home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your niece will

  not be seen, or if she be, it's four to one she'll none of me.94 The

  count himself here hard95 by woos her.

  SIR TOBY She'll none o'th'count. She'll not match above her

  degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit97; I have heard her

  swear't. Tut, there's life in't98, man.

  SIR ANDREW I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o'th'

  strangest mind i'th'world: I delight in masques and revels100

  sometimes altogether.

  SIR TOBY Art thou good at these kickshawses102, knight?

  SIR ANDREW As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the103

  degree of my betters, and yet I will not compare with an old104

  man.

  SIR TOBY What is thy excellence in a galliard106, knight?

  SIR ANDREW Faith, I can cut a caper.108

  SIR TOBY And I can cut the mutton108 to't.

  SIR ANDREW And I think I have the back-trick109 simply as strong

  as any man in Illyria.

  SIR TOBY Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have

  these gifts a curtain before 'em? Are they like to take112 dust,

  like Mistress Mall's picture?113 Why dost thou not go to church

  in a galliard and come home in a coranto?114 My very walk

  should be a jig, I would not so much as make water115 but in a

  sink-a-pace.116 What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide

  virtues117 in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy

  leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.118

  SIR ANDREW Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent119 well in a

  damned coloured stock.120 Shall we set about some revels?

  SIR TOBY What shall we do else? Were we not born under

  Taurus?

  SIR ANDREW Taurus? That's sides and heart.123

  SIR TOBY No, sir, it is legs and thighs.124 Let me see

  thee caper. Ha? Higher, ha, ha! Excellent!

  Sir Andrew dances

  Exeunt

  Act 1 Scene 4

  running scene 4

  Enter Valentine and Viola [as Cesario] in man's attire

  VALENTINE If the duke continue these favours towards you,

  Cesario, you are like to be much advanced.2 He hath known

  you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

  VIOLA You either fear his humour4 or my negligence, that

  you call in question the continuance of his love. Is he

  inconstant, sir, in his favours?

  VALENTINE No, believe me.

  Enter Duke [Orsino], Curio and Attendants

  VIOLA I thank you. Here comes the count.

  ORSINO Who saw Cesario, ho?

  VIOLA On your attendance10, my lord, here.

  To Attendants, who stand aside

  ORSINO Stand you awhile aloof.11-- Cesario,

  Thou know'st no less but all.12 I have unclasped

  To thee the book even of my secret soul:

  Therefore, good youth, address thy gait14 unto her,

  Be not denied access, stand at her doors,

  And tell them there thy fixed foot shall grow16

  Till thou have audience.17

  VIOLA Sure, my noble lord,

 
If she be so abandoned to her sorrow

  As it is spoke20, she never will admit me.

  ORSINO Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds21

  Rather than make unprofited return.

  VIOLA Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?

  ORSINO O, then unfold the passion of my love,

  Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith25;

  It shall become26 thee well to act my woes.

  She will attend27 it better in thy youth

  Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.28

  VIOLA I think not so, my lord.

  ORSINO Dear lad30, believe it;

  For they shall yet belie31 thy happy years,

  That say thou art a man: Diana's lip32

  Is not more smooth and rubious, thy small pipe33

  Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound34,

  And all is semblative a woman's part.35

  I know thy constellation36 is right apt

  To Attendants

  For this affair.-- Some four or five attend him.

  All, if you will, for I myself am best

  When least in company. Prosper well in this,

  And thou shalt live as freely40 as thy lord,

  To call his fortunes thine.

  VIOLA I'll do my best

  Aside

  To woo your lady.-- Yet, a barful strife!43

  Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

  Exeunt

  Act 1 Scene 5

  running scene 5

  Enter Maria and Clown [Feste]

  MARIA Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will

  not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in2 way of thy

  excuse. My lady will hang thee for thy absence.

  FESTE Let her hang me: he that is well hanged4 in this world

  needs to fear no colours.5

  MARIA Make that good.6

  FESTE He shall see none to fear.7

  MARIA A good lenten8 answer. I can tell thee where that

  saying was born, of 'I fear no colours.'

  FESTE Where, good Mistress Mary?

  MARIA In the wars, and that may you be bold11 to say in your

  foolery.

  FESTE Well, God give them wisdom that have it, and those

  that are fools, let them use their talents.

  MARIA Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent, or,

  to be turned away16, is not that as good as a hanging to you?

  FESTE Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage17,

  and, for turning away, let summer bear it out.18

  MARIA You are resolute, then?

  FESTE Not so, neither. But I am resolved on two points.20

  MARIA That if one break, the other will hold, or if both

  break, your gaskins22 fall.

  FESTE Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way. If Sir23

  Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of