YOLO Juliet Read online

  Benvolio

  Ugh, hold on. The Capulets are texting me.

  Mercutio

  IDGAF.

  Group text: Benvolio, Mercutio, Tybalt

  Benvolio

  Adding Mercutio here.

  Mercutio

  Wut is it, Ty?

  Tybalt

  Good afternoon, boys. I’d like to have a word with you.

  Mercutio

  Psh. Just 1?

  Tybalt

  Mercutio, you hang out with Romeo, right?

  Mercutio

  Hang out? Like we’re in a band?

  Benvolio

  Do we have to talk about this now? Maybe we should meet in person.

  Tybalt

  Yes, we have to talk about it. In fact, let’s get Romeo in on this.

  Group text: Tybalt, Mercutio, Benvolio, Romeo

  Tybalt

  Romeo, there’s only one thing I can call you: a villain.

  Romeo

  Tybalt, I’m not even gonna sweat that. I have a reason to like you now. Plus, it’s obvs you don’t know me at all.

  Tybalt

  That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done to me. We’re fighting this afternoon. Meet me on the streets.

  Romeo

  I haven’t done anything to you. And I you now—I just can’t tell you why yet. Let’s not fight.

  Mercutio

  Romeo, wut r u doing? Y r u backing down from him? If u won’t fight him, I will.

  Tybalt

  What do you want from me?

  Mercutio

  2 fight u. Now.

  Ty, hurry up n draw ur sword.

  Tybalt

  Fine. If that’s what you want, that’s what you get.

  Romeo

  Mercutio, stop! What are you doing? Ben, we’ve got to stop them. Fighting in the streets is banned here. Stop it, you guys!

  Mercutio, Tybalt, Benvolio, and Romeo have checked into the Streets of Verona.

  Group text: Mercutio, Romeo, Benvolio

  Mercutio

  Romeo. Where are you? I’m hurt. His sword got me. Did Ty get away

  Benvolio

  What? You’re hurt?

  Mercutio

  I just need 2 see a doctor, that’s all.

  Romeo

  Okay. Be brave.

  Mercutio

  It’s not deep, but it hurts like a mofo. I’ll b a goner by 2morrow.

  Ugh, I can’t believe it was Ty who killed me. I hope a plague curses his . Y did u try to stop us, Romeo?

  Romeo

  IDK. I thought it was the right thing to do.

  Mercutio

  Ben, take me inside somewhere. This is the end.

  I hope a plague curses both of ur houses, Romeo.

  Romeo:

  Omg. OMFG. Mercutio was killed defending me! WTF! #RIP

  REPLY

  Benvolio

  Mercutio is dead. He’s in Heaven now.

  Romeo

  This is very bad, Ben. The future is bleak.

  Group text: Benvolio, Romeo, Tybalt

  Benvolio

  OMG. Tybalt, you suck!

  Romeo

  You’re alive…and Mercutio is dead. I dare you to call me a villain again, Tybalt. Do it and you’ll join Mercutio in Heaven.

  Tybalt

  It’s you who will be joining him next.

  Romeo:

  Just got Tybalt. That’s what you get for killing my cousin.

  Benvolio likes this.

  REPLY

  Benvolio: Romeo! You have to get out of here. You’ll be put to death.

  Group text: The Prince, Benvolio, Lady Capulet, Montague

  The Prince

  Just saw Romeo’s status update. Is it true? He killed Tybalt?

  Benvolio

  It was insanity, Prince. Tybalt killed Mercutio. Then Romeo killed Tybalt.

  Lady Capulet

  What! Tybalt was my nephew. This can’t—this can’t be happening. Prince, you have to take revenge. You have to kill someone from the Montague family. Angrily, LC.

  The Prince

  Ben, who started this fight?

  Benvolio

  Tybalt did. Romeo tried to talk him down, but Tybalt stabbed Mercutio.

  Something snapped in Romeo. He killed Tybalt too.

  I tried to break it up, but it was no use!

  Lady Capulet

  Ben is a Montague. He’s lying. The Montagues jumped Tybalt and killed him. Prince, you know that Romeo must die. Grr, LC.

  The Prince

  So if Romeo killed Tybalt, and Tybalt killed Mercutio, then who should pay for Mercutio’s life?

  Montague

  Not Romeo. He was only avenging his friend.

  The Prince

  Then I have no choice but to kick Romeo out of Verona. And now you’ve gotten me involved in your rivalry.

  Mercutio was my family. I’ll punish you all for this. There’s no use or begging. Tell Romeo to leave immediately or else he’ll be joining Mercutio and Tybalt…in the grave.

  [Scene 2]

  Nurse

  Girl, I got some bad news.

  Juliet

  what is it??

  Nurse

  He’s dead.

  Juliet

  WHO?? ROMEO?!

  Nurse

  It was bad. I saw it with my own . He’s gone. Dead as a doornail.

  Juliet

  omg. plz not romeo. plz!

  Nurse

  No, girl. It’s Tybalt. Romeo killed him and now Romeo’s been exiled, oof.

  Juliet

  are you kidding me? did romeo do it? did he kill tybalt?

  Nurse

  Yeah.

  Juliet

  i can’t believe it. how could i have ever trusted him? i’m a fool!

  Nurse

  That’s ’cause all men are , girl. Ya can’t trust any of ’em.

  Juliet

  don’t say that about romeo. he’s not a , i swear.

  Nurse

  Say what? Now you’re going to DEFEND him? Did you hear what I just said? He killed your cousin.

  Juliet

  i know what he did, but he’s my husband. i think i’m allowed to be confused right now, k?

  Nurse

  Try to have a little perspective, hon.

  Juliet

  try to have some compassion, hon! nothing will make me feel better until i see romeo again.

  Nurse

  Okay, okay, quit cryin’, girl. I know where he is. I’ll go find him for you.

  Juliet

  you will?? THANK YOU! here, give him my . and tell him to hurry!

  [Scene 3]

  Romeo has checked into Friar Laurence’s Church.

  Friar Laurence

  You here, Romeo? —FL

  Romeo

  Yes, I’m hiding out. What’s going to happen to me? Am I going to die?

  Friar Laurence

  You’re being exiled from Verona. —FL

  Romeo

  That’s worse than death!

  Friar Laurence

  Really? You killed someone! —FL

  Romeo

  It is worse! It means I’ll never see Juliet again.

  Friar Laurence

  You’re being overdramatic. —FL

  Romeo

  Ugh. You just don’t understand.

  Nurse has checked into Friar Laurence’s Church.

  Group text: Romeo, Nurse, Friar Laurence

  Romeo

  Nurse!!

  Nurse

  R? Wait…why are we texting?

  Romeo

  I can’t be heard talking about Juliet. How is she? Does she hate me? What did she say?

  Nurse

  Boy, she’s just crying and crying. And keeps asking for ya.

  Romeo

  OMG, what have I done? I want to die.

  Friar Laurence

  SNAP OUT OF IT! You can’t kill yourself. Nurse, tell Juliet that Romeo is on his way. —FL

>   Nurse

  I’ll go right now. R, she wanted me to give you something. Leaving it here for you. TT4N!

  Romeo

  Her ring! I feel so much better.

  Friar Laurence

  You better go now. Don’t waste time. —FL

  [Scene 4]

  Group text: Paris, Capulet, Lady Capulet

  Paris

  Any luck yet with Juliet?

  Capulet

  I’m sorry, Paris, but we’ve been a little busy lately.

  Paris

  NP. I understand. With Tybalt dead and all that.

  K, good night. Tell Juliet I say hello.

  Lady Capulet

  Of course, Paris. I’ll talk to her tomorrow. She’s locked herself in her room right now. Love, LC.

  Capulet

  Don’t worry. Juliet will do what her father says.

  Can you be ready to marry her in three days?

  Paris

  Absolutely!

  Capulet

  It’s settled then. We’ll talk to her in the meantime. See you later!

  [Scene 5]

  Romeo has checked into the Grounds Below Juliet’s Balcony.

  Romeo

  Juliet, tonight was great. But it’s morning. So I’m leaving before I get killed.

  Juliet

  no! don’t go yet. plz. it’s not quite daylight.

  Romeo

  You’re right. I’m coming back. I never want the night to end.

  Juliet

  me neither.

  Nurse

  J! Your is coming to check on you! You in danger, girl.

  Juliet

  shoot. you’ve got to get going. my mom is on her way. ttyl!

  Romeo

  Okay. Juliet! Even though things are crazy now, think of all the stories we’ll have to tell later on. TTYS!

  Lady Capulet

  Yoo-hoo! Juliet, you awake? Love, Mom.

  Juliet

  mooom. i don’t feel so well.

  Lady Capulet

  Oh, honey. Are you going to stay in there and cry forever? Your tears won’t bring Tybalt back. Love, Mom.

  Juliet

  easy for you to say. i can’t stop crying.

  Lady Capulet

  Are you crying for your cousin? Or are you really crying for that horrible Romeo? Love, Mom.

  ugh, mom doesn’t get anything. romeo is not a villain! if only she knew the truth… i’ve got to find a way to fix this mess.

  Juliet

  gee, mom, you’re right. he is horrible. i wish i could make everything right.

  Lady Capulet

  Don’t worry, sweetie. Your mom is on top of it. I plan on sending someone to find Romeo and poison his drink. We’ll finally have justice. Love, Mom.

  And…more good news! Your father has arranged for you to marry Paris in three days! Isn’t that wonderful?! Love, Mom.

  Juliet

  mom, how can i marry someone i don’t even know?

  tell dad to forget it.

  Lady Capulet

  Why don’t you tell him yourself, in that case? We’ll get the Nurse too. Love, Mom.

  Group text: Lady Capulet, Juliet, Capulet, Nurse

  Lady Capulet

  I told your daughter your news and, well, Juliet, why don’t you tell him what you told me. Love, LC.

  Juliet

  i won’t marry paris. it’s as simple as that.

  Capulet

  Excuse me? Aren’t you happy about this match? Aren’t you thankful? There’s no better man you could possibly marry!

  Juliet

  i am NOT happy or thankful for any of this. i WON’T marry him.

  Capulet

  You will be at the church in three days to marry Paris. And that! is! final, young lady!

  Juliet

  plz, i am begging you, dad! do not make me do this.

  Capulet

  I can’t even talk to you anymore. I’m so disappointed in you. I can’t believe we’re even related.

  Nurse

  Hey now! Ya shouldn’t say that to your own flesh and blood.

  Capulet

  You stay out of this! It’s none of your GD business.

  Nurse

  Oh, excuse me? I think I’m allowed to speak my mind.

  Capulet

  Save it for later. No one is interested in what you have to say.

  Lady Capulet

  Dear! I think you better watch your temper. You know what it does to your blood pressure. Love, LC.

  Capulet

  Well, dear, I’m angry! Paris is a perfect match for her. And either you marry him, Juliet, or you can forget you even have a family. I don’t care where you go or what happens to you. But you’re not welcome here. Choose wisely.

  Group text: Juliet, Lady Capulet, Nurse

  Juliet

  this is so unfair!

  Lady Capulet

  I’m sorry, but I agree with your father. It’s up to you to figure it out. Love, Mom.

  Juliet

  omg. nurse, what am i going to do??

  romeo is out there and they want me to go through with this!

  Nurse

  Listen, girl. I know ya married Romeo.

  But he doesn’t even live here anymore. He’s as good as dead. Maybe you should look into Paris. At least you can actually, ya know, see him.

  Juliet

  you really mean that?

  Nurse

  Yeah, J. I do.

  Juliet

  i guess i see your point.

  k, tell mom i’m going to friar laurence’s. i need to ask for major forgiveness.

  [Scene 1]

  Paris

  Thursday it is for the wedding!

  Friar Laurence

  But that’s so soon. —FL

  Paris

  Capulet wants what he wants.

  It’s Juliet, you see. She’s been crying nonstop over Tybalt’s death. Her father wants us to get married so she’ll be happy again.

  Group text: Paris, Juliet, Friar Laurence

  Paris

  Hey there, Juliet! Adding you to this convo, my wife.

  Juliet

  we aren’t married, paris.

  Friar Laurence

  I should talk to Juliet. Paris, could you leave us alone? —FL

  Paris

  Of course. I don’t want to interfere.

  See you on Thursday, my love.