YOLO Juliet (OMG Shakespeare) Read online

  Voice Memo from Juliet

  romeo. romeo. ugh, why does he have to be a montague? i wish he’d just change his name. or if he said he’ll me forever, then i’d give up my last name. c-ya, capulet! what’s the point of names anyway? srsly. you could call a a different name, and it would still just as sweet. grr. stop being a montague and we can be together, romeo! that’s better than anything else.

  Voice Memo from Romeo

  I totally get what she’s saying. I just need to know that I’m her one true . Then I’ll drop Montague like a bad habit.

  Juliet

  wait, romeo, is that you? have you been to me this whole time?

  Romeo

  Maaaybe.

  I want to show my face, but I know I shouldn’t. Because I’m a Montague.

  Juliet

  no, keep texting. it’s easier this way. you’re too far down.

  i don’t want my family to you yelling. they’ll be srsly upset. i’m talking, like, pissed.

  how did you even get here? the walls around here are really high.

  Romeo

  I scaled them, NBD. I couldn’t wait to see you again!

  And I’m not afraid of your family.

  Juliet

  you should be. if they see you here, they’ll kill you!

  Romeo

  So what? That’s nothing compared to being rejected by you. Chill.

  Juliet

  sorry, it’s just…i’d do anything to make sure they don’t catch you.

  Romeo

  Hello. I’m hidden in the dark. Plus, if you’re not into me after all, then I’d rather be dead.

  I can’t live without you!

  Juliet

  srsly, how did you know where my bedroom was?

  Romeo

  I just followed my . It led the way.

  Juliet

  it’s a good thing it’s dark. you’re making me blush.

  listen, romeo. i really, really like you. i know i should have played hard-to-get, but i guess it’s too late for that.

  you heard me just now. i’m so into you. i mean…

  i you, romeo.

  Romeo

  Juliet, I swear on the

  Juliet

  you swear on a piece of rock in the sky? um.

  but the moon always changes.

  Romeo

  What should I swear on then?

  Juliet

  maybe we shouldn’t make any promises yet. all of this happened as fast as .

  we have a good thing going. let’s see what happens the next time we meet.

  i’m gonna go now. hope you sleep as well as i plan to.

  Romeo

  You’re leaving me already??

  Juliet

  what else is there to say?

  Romeo

  For starters, I’d be happy if we promised to each other forever. I’m talking, like, making it real. Like, married real.

  Juliet

  i’ve already poured my out to you. i’d take it back if i could.

  Romeo

  What the duck, Juliet!

  The duck.

  Ugh! Autocorrect.

  Juliet

  heehee. quack, quack.

  Romeo

  WTF Juliet. Why would you say that

  Juliet

  i’m just teasing. i mean i’d take it back so i could give it to you again and again.

  i love you as deep as the ocean. but i think i hear someone calling for me. hold on a sec. brb.

  Romeo:

  I wanna pinch myself. Am I dreaming or is this happening IRL? #truluv #blessed

  REPLY

  Juliet

  okay, romeo. real quick. if you really, truly me and want to get married…

  let’s chat tomorrow. sleep on it. we can figure out when and where to get married. but only if you really mean it.

  sweet dreams!

  what time should i text you tomorrow?

  Romeo

  Let’s say 9.

  Juliet

  perf! it’s going to feel like years until then.

  sorry i keep saying goodbye and then texting you again. i had a reason this time, i swear. i just forget.

  Romeo

  That’s okay. I’ll stick around until you remember.

  Juliet

  in that case, it might take me forever to remember what it was. hmm…

  Romeo

  NP. Guess I found my new home right here.

  Juliet

  i wish you didn’t have to go.

  but the sooner we go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow. g’night!

  Romeo

  Sweet dreams, you.

  Juliet is listening to Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” on Renaissance FM

  [Scene 3]

  Romeo

  Morning, Friar Laurence!

  Friar Laurence

  Romeo, what are you doing up this early? You should be sleeping in. Have you even gone to bed, or have you been up all night? —FL

  Romeo

  Er, the latter. I was having too great of a night to go to sleep!

  Friar Laurence

  Why? Were you with Rosaline? OMG, please forgive any sins you two might have committed. —FL

  Romeo

  No way, Father! She’s old news. I’m totally over her.

  Friar Laurence

  Then where have you been? —FL

  Romeo

  See, that’s the thing. I’ve been with my enemy.

  But I’m in ! And so is she! And you’re the only one who can help us.

  Friar Laurence

  I’m confused. —FL

  Romeo

  I’m in love with Juliet Capulet.

  I can tell you more later, but I need you to marry us. Today. It’s urgent.

  Friar Laurence

  Holy , Romeo! This came out of nowhere. You’re over Rosaline that quickly? You could barely get out of bed, you were so sad. Now you’re in love with someone else that you just met? Guess it’s true: men love with their first. How do you know this won’t happen again? —FL

  Romeo

  You’re the one who was hard on me about Rosaline.

  Friar Laurence

  Because you were obsessed with her. But not because you loved her. There’s a difference, IMHO. —FL

  Romeo

  You told me to forget about her!

  Friar Laurence

  I didn’t mean by finding someone else! —FL

  Romeo

  You’ve got to understand. Rosaline never loved me. But Juliet does. She really does.

  Friar Laurence

  Ugh. Fine. Come with me. Let’s plan this secret wedding. It may be the only thing that ends the hate between your two families anyway. —FL

  [Scene 4]

  Mercutio

  Srsly, where’s Romeo?

  Benvolio

  Got me. He didn’t come last night.

  Mercutio

  This is all Rosaline’s fault. She’s gonna lead him on until he goes legit insane. Did I tell you I saw her on a dating app? I bet she’s swiping right like mad….

  Benvolio

  I heard that Tybalt sent a letter to Romeo’s father’s house.

  Mercutio

  I bet he wants 2 fight.

  Benvolio

  Romeo will fight back, in that case.

  Mercutio

  Yup, he’s a goner. He’s already dead. Luv has killed him.

  Do u think he stands a chance against Tybalt?

  Benvolio

  IDK. What’s the 411 on Tybalt?

  Mercutio

  He’s tough. Rly tough. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

  Let’s just say I wouldn’t want 2 be on the receiving end. He knows how 2 deliver a final blow to the .

  Benvolio

  Let’s check in on Romeo.

  Group text: Mercutio, Romeo, Benvolio

  Mercutio

  Bonjour, Romeo. Gotta admit, u faked us out pretty good last nite.

  Romeo
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  Hey, guys. What do you mean I faked you out?

  Mercutio

  Ya tricked us. U know wut I’m saying.

  Romeo

  Sorrrry. I had something really important to do.

  Mercutio

  Y’okay. “Important.”

  Romeo

  That’s one way of putting it.

  Mercutio

  Out with it then! So how was her pink flower?

  Benvolio

  Ugh. Mercutio.

  Romeo

  Let’s just say it’s been pollinated.

  Benvolio

  Ugh. ROMEO!

  Mercutio

  Ha! Good 1.

  Romeo

  TY. But this joke is getting really bad.

  Benvolio

  Both of you are idiots. TTYL!

  Nurse

  Sup, R.

  Romeo

  Who is this?

  Nurse

  Juliet’s nurse. I got your digits from her. Hope that’s cool.

  Romeo

  From Juliet?! Of course, in that case!

  Nurse

  Yeah, sooo, she wants me to tell you somethin’, but IDK if I should, tbh.

  Romeo

  You can trust me! Pinkie swear. Cross my and hope to die and stick a needle in my eye and all that.

  I want to marry that girl! I plan to ask her ASAP.

  Nurse

  K, relax. Dang.

  I’ll let her know you want to put a on it. Will that help?

  Romeo

  Yes! But I need you to do me a huge favor.

  Tell Juliet to sneak out of the house this afternoon and meet me at Friar Laurence’s. Ask her to act like she has to go for confession. When she gets there, we can get married. I can pay you for your help.

  Nurse

  Aw, well, lookatchu, actin’ all sweet. I can’t take your .

  Romeo

  Take it!

  Nurse

  Ya don’t have to tell me twice! She’ll see you this afternoon, bb.

  Romeo

  Wait! One more thing.

  One of my friends will bring you a rope ladder. I’ll use it to climb over the walls at night.

  Nurse

  Wow, you’re really into her, huh?

  Weeelll, you should probs know that there’s another man after her. Paris. I think he’s a QT, but Juliet hates when I get all gushy. Plus, she just goes on and on about you. Kinda annoying after a while, tbh. You two are a match made in heaven. TT4N.

  [Scene 5]

  Juliet

  omg. where are you??

  what’s taking so long?

  were you able to find him?

  you left at 9 and now it’s noon. ugh!

  Nurse

  Calm down, girl. I’m here.

  Juliet

  FINALLY. so??

  what happened? what’s going on? what did he say?

  Nurse

  Can ya hold your for a sec? I’m beat. I’ve been all over.

  Juliet

  SRSLY? i need to know right away!

  Nurse

  OMFG. I’m out of breath. Just give me a minute.

  Juliet

  you’re obvs not that tired if you’re still texting.

  c’mon! stop putting it off. is it bad news? is that why you won’t tell me?

  Nurse

  Well, ya sure know how to pick ’em. That Romeo, he’s cute.

  He’s as gentle as a lamb. Have ya had lunch yet?

  Juliet

  no, not yet.

  wait, don’t change the subject. i already know all these things. did he say anything about marriage?

  Nurse

  Ugh, I have such a headache. My whole body hurts from running around all day for you.

  Juliet

  ok ok. i’m sorry. i’ll give you a foot and back rub when i see you next.

  now, did romeo say anything else?

  Nurse

  Geez, all right. Maybe next time you should take care of your own stuff.

  Juliet

  i’m sorry. but i need to know. what did he say?

  Nurse

  Can ya go to confession today?

  Juliet

  Yeah.

  Nurse

  K, then get to Friar Laurence’s. Ya got a future husband waiting there for you.

  Meanwhile, I’ll be setting up a ladder…or something…so he can visit you tonight. You get to have all the fun while I do the grunt work.

  Juliet

  omg. ty, ty, ty!!

  Nurse

  Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and go.

  Juliet

  on my way! wish me luck!

  [Scene 6]

  Romeo

  Guh, where is she? I can barely stand it.

  Friar Laurence

  Let’s just hope we’re doing the right thing. —FL

  Romeo

  Amen. But whatever happens, it’s fine. Nothing can destroy what I feel for this girl.

  Friar Laurence

  Just slow your roll a bit, Romeo, okay? Everything in moderation. Don’t too fast or too slowly. It’s like eating a ton of honey. It’s sweet, but too much will make you sick. —FL

  Juliet has checked into Friar Laurence’s Church.

  Group text: Juliet, Romeo, Friar Laurence

  Juliet

  good evening!!

  Romeo

  Ah! I’m so happy you’re here. I can’t wait to be married. If I love you this much now, I can only imagine what it’ll be like when we’re finally together forever.

  Juliet

  i know, right?! idek how to express what i feel!

  Friar Laurence

  That’s enough chitchat. Come with me. We have to do this quickly. I’m not leaving you two alone until you’re officially married. —FL

  [Scene 1]

  Benvolio

  Let’s call it a day, Mercutio. It’s hot outside. And the Capulets are wandering around. I don’t want to run into them and get into a fight. Heat makes people .

  Mercutio

  Oh, plz, Ben. Ur one of those guys who has a sword but never uses it. N then u pull it out 4 no reason at all.

  Benvolio

  Nuh-uh. Am I really?