YOLO Juliet (OMG Shakespeare) Read online

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Text copyright © 2015 by Random House LLC

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

  ISBN 978-0-553-53539-6 (trade) — ISBN 978-0-553-53548-8 (ebook)

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  v4.1

  a

  To Caroline and Michelle ,

  for thinking of me

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Who’s Who

  Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book

  Act 1

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act 2

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Act 3

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act 4

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act 5

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  The 411 for Those Not in the Know

  Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book

  About the Authors

  FOMO? Read on for a peek at srsly Hamlet

  Who’s Who

  Romeo

  Montague, Romeo’s dad

  Benvolio, Romeo’s cousin

  Balthasar, Romeo’s servant

  Juliet

  Capulet, Juliet’s dad

  Lady Capulet, Juliet’s mom

  Nurse, Juliet’s nurse

  Tybalt, Juliet’s cousin

  The Prince of Verona

  Paris, the Prince’s cousin

  Mercutio, the Prince’s cousin and Romeo’s friend

  Friar Laurence

  Father John

  Chief Watchman

  Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book

  [aka People w/o Smartphones]

  Lady Montague, Romeo’s mom

  Abram, Romeo’s servant

  Petruchio, Tybalt’s friend

  Sampson, servant

  Gregory, servant

  Peter, servant

  Paris’s page

  Chorus

  [Scene 1]

  Benvolio

  Mornin’, cuz! You won’t believe what just happened to me.

  I’ve already been in a fight!

  It’s the Capulets again. They need to go! Especially Tybalt.

  Hello? You there? I told your mom I’d see how you’re doing.

  Romeo

  What time is it?

  Benvolio

  Dude. It’s 9 a.m. Wake up!

  Romeo

  Ugh, that’s it? I don’t wanna. I’m too depressed. I have nothing to live for.

  Benvolio

  Oh, crap.

  Romeo

  What?

  Benvolio

  You’re in , aren’t you?

  Romeo

  Is it that obvious?

  But she doesn’t love me back.

  Benvolio

  Cuz, here’s the thing. Love sux.

  I mean, on it sounds great. But feeling it? No TY.

  Romeo

  Tell me about it. But it has this sick control over me.

  I can’t help it! Love is everything in the —awesome and stupid. Blech.

  Anyway, sorry. What happened this morning? A fight?

  Benvolio

  Romeo

  Why are you sad?

  Benvolio

  I’m bummed that you’re bummed.

  Romeo

  K, I can’t handle this. You’re just gonna make me feel worse. TTYL.

  Benvolio

  C’mon, wait! At least tell me who the girl is.

  Romeo

  Srsly?

  She’s hot, that’s all you need to know. Not just hot, but beautiful. And smart. But she doesn’t love me, so who cares?

  Benvolio

  Listen, just don’t think about her anymore.

  Romeo

  WTF? How?

  Benvolio

  There are plenty of other in the dude. Focus on someone else.

  Romeo

  That’s not gonna work. Other girls just make me think about her more. I’m crazy. I G2G. Bye.

  [Scene 2]

  Paris

  Sooo…whaddya think?

  Capulet

  About what?

  Paris

  About me marrying your daughter!

  Capulet

  I told you. She’s too young! She’s not even fourteen yet. Ask me again in two years.

  Paris

  People younger than her get married all the time.

  Capulet

  Yeah, and they also grow too fast.

  But go ahead and ask her. If she says yes, you both have my blessing.

  Paris

  Yesss!

  Capulet

  BTW, I’m having a party tonight at my . You should come! There will be a lot of there, including my daughter. Maybe another one will catch your . See you there!

  Event: 10+ People have been invited to Capulet’s Mansion for Capulet’s Dinner Party

  • Signor Martino & his wife & daughters

  • Mercutio & his brother Valentine

  • Uncle Capulet & his wife & daughters

  • Rosaline & Livia

  • Signor Valentio & his cousin Tybalt

  Romeo

  Did you see the Capulet party that’s happening tonight? We should go!

  Benvolio

  I did. And look who’s gonna be there—Rosaline. The “love of your life.”

  Let’s sneak in and scope out the other hotties. I bet you’ll change your tune after we’re on the scene.

  Romeo

  NO one is better than Rosaline. But we’re Montagues. We can’t go to a party hosted by the Capulets.

  Benvolio

  Let’s do it! I’ll have serious FOMO if we don’t go.

  Let’s talk to Mercutio—he’s on the list.

  Besides, we’re not going to start anything. We’re going to make sure that Rosaline is worth all of this .

  Romeo

  K, let’s go! I can’t wait to see her. L8R.

  [Scene 3]

  Lady Capulet

  Juliet, honey, we need to talk. Love, Mom.

  Juliet

  yeah, ?

  Lady Capulet

  It’s about . Love, Mom.

  Juliet

  ugh, mom. noooo. i rly don’t care about getting married right now.

  Lady Capulet

  You better start caring. I was alread
y a mother by your age. Plenty of girls are finding husbands while you’re still single. Love, Mom.

  I’ll just cut to the chase. A man named Paris has asked if he can marry you. He’s a great option. I think you need to give him a chance. What do you think? Love, Mom.

  Juliet

  sigh. k, whatevz. i’ll meet him. but i’m not promising anything.

  Lady Capulet

  Oh, good! Now go get ready. Guests are starting to arrive for the party! Put on something cute. Love, Mom.

  [Scene 4]

  Group text: Romeo, Benvolio, Mercutio

  Romeo

  So, how are we going to do this? What’s our excuse if we get caught?

  Benvolio

  You’re thinking about this too much. We have our on. No one will recognize us. We go in, we , we , and we exit. Easy, breezy.

  Romeo

  I don’t want to . I’m still too .

  Mercutio

  Can u stop being so sad n mopey 4 once? Ur a luvr, not a h8r. Get in there n prove it.

  Romeo

  Yeah, well, this time my crush is actually crushing me.

  Mercutio

  U can’t let this bring u . Luv is the best thing in the .

  Romeo

  Really? I hate love right now.

  Mercutio

  U gotta fight back, man. Show luv who’s boss! We’re wearing masks. We got protection.

  Benvolio

  Exactly, thaaank you. Let’s go in already! I wanna shake it.

  Romeo

  You guys go ahead. I’m gonna sit this one out. GL2U.

  Besides, I don’t think this is such a good idea.

  Mercutio

  Guh, Romeo! Y?

  Romeo

  I had a dream last night….

  Mercutio

  Gr8. Welcome 2 the club. So did I.

  Romeo

  What was yours about?

  Mercutio

  O, it was v informative. It told me that dreamers r liars. Ahem.

  Romeo

  Yeah, lie in bed while they dream about the truth.

  Mercutio

  K, have u been dreaming about Queen Mab again?

  Romeo

  IDEK who that is.

  Mercutio

  U know, Queen Mab? The fairies’ midwife.

  K, she’s super small. She travels in her little wagon each night n rides over men’s noses. That’s how she gets in2 their brains n makes them dream about—dun-dun-dun—luv! She does all sorts of crazy stuff 2 people. Like sometimes she’ll ride over girls’ n then they’ll start dreaming about kisses. But Queen Mab gives

  Romeo

  ENOUGH. I get it. You’re messing with me. STFU.

  Mercutio

  Ya, man. That’s my point. Dreams r silly.

  Benvolio

  Guys. GUYS. Hate to interrupt but this is taking forever. Dinner is probably over and by the time we get there it’s going to be too late.

  Romeo

  I don’t want to get there on time anyway. I have a bad feeling about tonight.

  But I’m outnumbered. Sigh. Let’s go.

  [Scene 5]

  Romeo has checked into Capulet’s Mansion.

  Romeo:

  At a party I’m not supposed to be at lol.

  REPLY

  Romeo: Whoa! Spotted a hottie. She. Is. #PERFECT.

  Tybalt:

  Tybalt

  What is our enemy doing here?! This guy’s definitely a Montague and he’s staring at Juliet!

  Capulet

  Is it Romeo?

  Tybalt

  Yes! Disgusting Romeo!

  Capulet

  Calm down, it’s NBD. He’s harmless and from what I he’s a good boy. You should be during this party, not .

  Tybalt

  Not with him here.

  Capulet

  This is my and you will get along with him tonight.

  Tybalt

  But he’s making us look like idiots!

  Capulet

  I won’t let you ruin my party. Now go. And keep your mouth zipped…or else.

  Tybalt

  Fine. I don’t trust myself when I’m this anyway. But I’m not going to let Romeo get away with this.

  Juliet direct message –> with Romeo

  hey. saw your update. was it abt me? here’s my #. txt me!

  Romeo

  Hi. You saw that? Sorry, I didn’t think anyone even followed me. Thanks for your number. I wish I could come hold your hand, though.

  Juliet

  i know. me too. but we can’t be seen together.

  Romeo

  Why not? What if we found a corner to meet in?

  Juliet

  now? idk.

  Romeo

  Really quickly. The one that’s closest to you. Meet you there in a sec!

  Romeo:

  Just kissed the most beautiful girl in the room. #amazing #blessed

  Juliet likes this.

  REPLY

  Nurse: Uh. You know she’s a Capulet, riiite? #oohboy #thedrama

  Romeo: !!!!! #aaahhh

  Romeo

  The girl I just kissed is a Capulet!!! FML. I just kissed my own enemy!!!

  Benvolio

  Let’s GTFO! This party has peaked anyway.

  Romeo

  I’m in serious trouble.

  Nurse

  Girl, ya know what ya just did, rite?

  Juliet

  yeah, kissed the cutest boy in the room. i hope he’s single. i’d rather than be with anyone else!

  Nurse

  No, girl. I don’t think ya understand. That boy is Romeo. He’s a Mon-ta-gue.

  Juliet

  are you freaking kidding me? great. i’m in with the one person i can’t be in love with. FML.

  [Scene 1]

  Benvolio

  Hey, have you seen Romeo? WTF, where did he go?

  Mercutio

  Relax. He probs just went .

  Benvolio

  No, he didn’t. He ran away, I know it.

  Can you try texting him? He won’t answer mine.

  Mercutio

  Ya, sure. NP.

  Group text: Mercutio, Benvolio, Romeo

  Mercutio

  Hey, lover boy. Come out, come out, wherever u are. We have Rosaline here with us….

  Benvolio

  Cut it out! If he finds out we’re lying, he’ll be pissed.

  Mercutio

  Whatevz. I’m just trying 2 get him 2 show up. I’m tired n-e-way. Let’s go.

  Benvolio

  Fine. No point in trying to find him if he doesn’t want to be found.

  [Scene 2]

  Romeo has checked into the Grounds Below Juliet’s Balcony.

  Voice Memo from Romeo

  SMH. Sometimes my BFFs are so annoying. I just need to get away and have some alone time. Wait—what is that? Holy crap. It’s Juliet! She’s so beautiful. She’s brighter than the . She’s more gorgeous than the stars in the sky. I want her so badly. I wish she knew how much. If only I could just reach out and touch her. It sounds like she’s reading something….