Love's Labour's Lost (Arden Shakespeare) Page 9
Enter Boyet
PRINCESS Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.
BOYET O, I am stabbed with laughter! Where's her grace?
PRINCESS Thy news, Boyet?
BOYET Prepare, madam, prepare!
Arm, wenches, arm! Encounters mounted are86
Against your peace. Love doth approach disguised,
Armed in arguments: you'll be surprised88.
Muster89 your wits, stand in your own defence,
Or hide your heads like cowards and fly hence.
PRINCESS Saint Denis to91 Saint Cupid! What are they
That charge their breath against us? Say, scout92, say.
BOYET Under the cool shade of a sycamore93
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour,
When, lo, to interrupt my purposed95 rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addressed96
The king and his companions. Warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by98,
And overhear99d what you shall overhear:
That, by and by100, disguised they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conned his embassage102.
Action and accent103 did they teach him there:
'Thus must thou speak', and 'thus thy body bear'.
And ever and anon they made a doubt105
Presence majestical would put him out106,
'For', quoth the king, 'an angel shalt thou see,
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.'
The boy replied, 'An angel is not evil:
I should have feared her had she been a devil.'
With that, all laughed and clapped him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag112 by their praises bolder.
One rubbed his elbow thus, and fleered113 and swore
A better speech was never spoke before.
Another, with his finger and his thumb115
Cried, 'Via!116 We will do't, come what will come.'
The third he capered117, and cried, 'All goes well.'
The fourth turned on the toe118, and down he fell.
With that they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous121 appears,
To check122 their folly, passion's solemn tears.
PRINCESS But what, but what, come they to visit us?
BOYET They do, they do, and are apparelled thus:
Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess125.
Their purpose is to parley126, to court and dance,
And every one his love-feat127 will advance
Unto his several128 mistress, which they'll know
By favours several which they did bestow.
PRINCESS And will they so? The gallants shall be tasked130,
For, ladies, we will every one be masked,
And not a man of them shall have the grace132,
Despite of suit133, to see a lady's face.
Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,134
And then the king will court thee for his dear.
Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine,
So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.
The Princess and Rosaline exchange favors
And change138 your favours too, so shall your loves
Katherine and Maria exchange favors
Woo contrary, deceived by these removes139.
ROSALINE Come on, then, wear the favours most in sight140.
KATHERINE But in this changing what is your intent?
PRINCESS The effect of my intent is to cross142 theirs:
They do it but in mocking merriment,
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several counsels they unbosom145 shall
To loves mistook, and so be mocked withal146
Upon the next occasion that we meet,
With visages displayed148 to talk and greet.
ROSALINE But shall we dance, if they desire us to't?
PRINCESS No, to the death150, we will not move a foot,
Nor to their penned speech render we no grace151,
But while 'tis spoke each turn away her face.
BOYET Why, that contempt will kill the speaker's heart153
And quite divorce his memory from his part154.
PRINCESS Therefore I do it, and I make no doubt
The rest will e'er come in, if he be out156.
There's no such sport as sport by sport o'erthrown,
To make theirs ours158 and ours none but our own.
So shall we stay, mocking intended159 game,
And they, well mocked, depart away with shame.
[Trumpets] sound
BOYET The trumpet sounds: be masked. The maskers come.
The Ladies mask
Enter Blackamoors159 with music, the boy [Moth] with a speech, and the rest of the Lords [King, Berowne, Longaville and Dumaine] disguised [in Russian costumes and masks]
MOTH All hail, the richest beauties on the earth!
Aside?
BEROWNE Beauties no richer than rich taffeta163.
MOTH A holy parcel164 of the fairest dames.
That ever turned their --
The Ladies turn their backs to him
backs -- to mortal views.
Aside to Moth
BEROWNE Their eyes, villain, their eyes!
MOTH That ever turned their eyes to mortal views! Out ...168
BOYET True. Out indeed.
MOTH Out of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe169
Not to behold--
Aside to Moth
BEROWNE Once to behold, rogue.
MOTH Once to behold with your sun-beamed eyes ...
With your sun-beamed eyes ...
BOYET They will not answer to that epithet174.
You were best call it 'daughter-beamed175 eyes'.
MOTH They do not mark me and that brings me out176.
BEROWNE Is this your perfectness177? Be gone, you rogue!
[Exit Moth]
Pretends to be the Princess
ROSALINE What would these strangers? Know their minds178, Boyet.
If they do speak our language, 'tis our will
That some plain180 man recount their purposes
Know what they would.
BOYET What would you with the princess?
BEROWNE Nothing but peace and gentle visitation183.
ROSALINE What would they, say they?
BOYET Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE Why, that they have, and bid them so be gone.
BOYET She says, you have it, and you may be gone.
KING Say to her, we 'have measured188 many miles
To tread a measure189 with you on the grass'.
BOYET They say that they have measured many a mile
To tread a measure with you on this grass.
ROSALINE It is not so. Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile. If they have measured many,
The measure then of one is easily told194.
BOYET If to come hither you have measured miles,
And many miles, the princess bids you tell
How many inches doth fill up one mile.
BEROWNE Tell her we measure them by weary steps.
BOYET She hears herself.
ROSALINE How many weary steps,
Of many weary miles you have o'ergone,
Are numbered in the travel202 of one mile?
BEROWNE We number203 nothing that we spend for you.
Our duty is so rich, so infinite,
That we may do it still without account205.
Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face,
That we, like savages, may worship it.
ROSALINE My face is but a moon, and clouded208 too.
KING Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do209!
Vouchsafe, bright moon, and the
se thy stars210, to shine,
Those clouds removed, upon our wat'ry eyne211.
ROSALINE O vain petitioner! Beg a greater matter:
Thou now requests but moonshine in the water213.
KING Then, in our measure vouchsafe but one change214.
Thou bid'st me beg: this begging is not strange215.
ROSALINE Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon.
Music plays
Not yet? No dance! Thus change I like the moon.
KING Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged218?
ROSALINE You took the moon at full, but now she's changed.
KING Yet still she is the moon, and I the man220.
ROSALINE The music plays, vouchsafe some motion221 to it.
Our ears vouchsafe it.
KING But your legs should do it.
ROSALINE Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
We'll not be nice225: take hands. We will not dance.
Offers her hand
KING Why take you hands, then?
ROSALINE Only to part friends.
Music stops
Curtsy, sweet hearts, and so the measure ends.
KING More measure229 of this measure. Be not nice.
ROSALINE We can afford no more at such a price.
KING Price231 yourselves: what buys your company?
ROSALINE Your absence only.
KING That can never be.
ROSALINE Then cannot we be bought. And so, adieu.
Twice to your visor and half once to you235.
KING If you deny236 to dance, let's hold more chat.
ROSALINE In private then.
KING I am best pleased with that.
They talk apart
To the Princess
BEROWNE White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.
Pretends to be Rosaline
PRINCESS Honey and milk and sugar: there is three240.
BEROWNE Nay then, two treys, and if you grow so nice241,
Metheglin, wort and malmsey. Well run242, dice!
There's half-a-dozen sweets243.
PRINCESS Seventh sweet, adieu.
Since you can cog245, I'll play no more with you.
BEROWNE One word in secret.
PRINCESS Let it not be sweet.
BEROWNE Thou griev'st my gall248.
PRINCESS Gall! Bitter.
They talk apart
BEROWNE Therefore meet250.
To Maria
DUMAINE Will you vouchsafe with me to change251 a word?
Pretends to be Katherine
MARIA Name it.
DUMAINE Fair lady--
MARIA Say you so? Fair lord.
Take you that for your 'fair lady'.
DUMAINE Please it you256,
They talk apart
As much in private, and I'll bid adieu.
Pretends to be Maria
KATHERINE What, was your vizard made without a tongue258?
LONGAVILLE I know the reason, lady, why you ask.
KATHERINE O for your reason! Quickly, sir, I long.
LONGAVILLE You have a double tongue261 within your mask
And would afford my speechless vizard half262.
KATHERINE 'Veal', quoth the Dutchman. Is not 'veal' a calf?262
LONGAVILLE A calf, fair lady?
KATHERINE No, a fair lord calf.
LONGAVILLE Let's part266 the word.
KATHERINE No, I'll not be your half267.
Take all, and wean it, it may prove an ox268.
LONGAVILLE Look, how you butt269 yourself in these sharp mocks.
Will you give horns270, chaste lady? Do not so.
KATHERINE Then die a calf before your horns do grow.
LONGAVILLE One word in private with you ere I die.
They talk apart
KATHERINE Bleat softly then, the butcher hears you cry.
BOYET The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen274
As is the razor's edge invisible,
Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen,
Above the sense of sense, so sensible277
Seemeth their conference. Their conceits278 have wings
Fleeter279 than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things.
ROSALINE Not one word more, my maids: break off, break off.
BEROWNE By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff281!
KING Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits.
Exeunt [King, Berowne, Longaville, Dumaine and Blackamoors]
The ladies unmask
PRINCESS Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovites.
Are these the breed of wits so wondered at?
BOYET Tapers they are, with285 your sweet breaths puffed out.
ROSALINE Well-liking wits they have: gross286, gross, fat, fat.
PRINCESS O, poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout287!
Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight?
Or ever, but in vizards, show their faces?
This pert Berowne was out of countenance quite290.
ROSALINE They were all in lamentable cases291.
The king was weeping-ripe292 for a good word.
PRINCESS Berowne did swear himself out of all suit293.
MARIA Dumaine was at my service, and his sword.
'No point', quoth I: my servant straight295 was mute.
KATHERINE Lord Longaville said I came o'er296 his heart:
And trow you297 what he called me?
PRINCESS Qualm298, perhaps.
KATHERINE Yes, in good faith.
PRINCESS Go, sickness as thou art!
ROSALINE Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps301.
But will you hear? The king is my love sworn.
PRINCESS And quick303 Berowne hath plighted faith to me.
KATHERINE And Longaville was for my service born.
MARIA Dumaine is mine as sure as bark on tree.
BOYET Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear306:
Immediately they will again be here
In their own shapes308, for it can never be
They will digest309 this harsh indignity.
PRINCESS Will they return?
BOYET They will, they will, God knows,
And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows:
Therefore change favours, and, when they repair313,
Blow314 like sweet roses in this summer air.
PRINCESS How blow? How blow? Speak to be understood.
BOYET Fair ladies masked are roses in their bud:
Dismasked, their damask sweet commixture317 shown,
Are angels vailing318 clouds, or roses blown.
PRINCESS Avaunt, perplexity319! What shall we do
If they return in their own shapes to woo?
ROSALINE Good madam, if by me you'll be advised
Let's mock them still, as well known as disguised322.
Let us complain to them what fools were here,
Disguised like Muscovites, in shapeless gear324:
And wonder what they were and to what end325
Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penned,
And their rough carriage327 so ridiculous,
Should be presented at our tent to us.
BOYET Ladies, withdraw. The gallants are at hand.
PRINCESS Whip to our tents, as roes330 runs o'er land.
Exeunt [the Princess, Rosaline, Katherine and Maria]
Enter the King and the rest [Berowne, Longaville and Dumaine, as themselves]
KING Fair sir, God save you! Where's the princess?
BOYET Gone to her tent. Please it your majesty
Command me any service to her?
KING That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
BOYET I will, and so will she, I know, my lord.
Exit
BEROWNE This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons peas
And utters337 it again when Jove doth please.
He is wit's pedlar and retails his ware
s
At wakes and wassails339, meetings, markets, fairs.
And we that sell by gross340, the Lord doth know,
Have not the grace to grace it with such show.
This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve342.
Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve343.
He can carve too, and lisp344. Why, this is he
That kissed away his hand in courtesy345.
This is the ape of form, Monsieur the Nice346,
That when he plays at tables347 chides the dice
In honourable348 terms. Nay, he can sing
A mean most meanly, and in ushering349
Mend350 him who can. The ladies call him sweet.
The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet.
This is the flower that smiles on everyone,
To show his teeth as white as whale's bone
And consciences that will not die in debt
Pay him the due of honey-tongued Boyet.
KING A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart,
That put Armado's page out of his part357!
Enter the Ladies [the Princess, Rosaline, Maria and Katherine, with Boyet]
BEROWNE See where it comes! Behaviour358, what wert thou
Till this madman359 showed thee? And what art thou now?
KING All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!
PRINCESS 'Fair' in 'all hail' is foul361, as I conceive.
KING Construe361 my speeches better, if you may.
PRINCESS Then wish me better, I will give you leave363.
KING We came to visit you and purpose now
To lead you to our court. Vouchsafe it then.
PRINCESS This field shall hold me, and so hold366 your vow.
Nor367 God nor I delights in perjured men.
KING Rebuke me not for that which you provoke.
The virtue of your eye must break my oath.
PRINCESS You nickname370 virtue: 'vice' you should have spoke,
For virtue's office371 never breaks men's troth.
Now, by my maiden honour, yet372 as pure
As the unsullied lily, I protest373,
A world of torments though I should endure,
I would not yield to be your house's guest,
So much I hate a breaking cause to be376
Of heavenly oaths, vowed with integrity.
KING O, you have lived in desolation378 here,
Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.
PRINCESS Not so, my lord. It is not so, I swear.
We have had pastimes here and pleasant game:
A mess of Russians left us but of late382.
KING How, madam? Russians?
PRINCESS Ay, in truth, my lord.
Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state385.
ROSALINE Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord.
My lady, to the manner of the days387,
In courtesy gives undeserving388 praise.
We four indeed confronted were with four
In Russian habit. Here they stayed an hour,
And talked apace391; and in that hour, my lord,
They did not bless us with one happy392 word.
I dare not call them fools; but this I think,