Love's Labour's Lost Page 8

  He, he, and you — and you, my liege — and I,

  Are pick-purses212 in love, and we deserve to die.

  O, dismiss this audience and I shall tell you more.

  DUMAINE Now the number is even.

  BEROWNE True, true: we are four.

  Will these turtles216 be gone?

  KING Hence, sirs217, away!

  To Costard and Jaquenetta

  COSTARD Walk aside the true folk218 and let the traitors stay.

  [Exeunt Costard and Jaquenetta]

  BEROWNE Sweet lords, sweet lovers, O, let us embrace!

  As true we are as flesh and blood can be,

  The sea will ebb and flow, heaven show his face:

  Young blood doth not obey an old decree.

  We cannot cross the cause why we are born223:

  Therefore of all hands224 must we be forsworn.

  KING What, did these rent225 lines show some love of thine?

  BEROWNE ‘Did they’, quoth you? Who sees the heavenly Rosaline,

  That, like a rude and savage man of Ind227,

  At the first opening228 of the gorgeous east,

  Bows not his vassal229 head, and strucken blind,

  Kisses the base ground with obedient breast?

  What peremptory eagle-sighted231 eye

  Dares look upon the heaven of her brow

  That is not blinded by her majesty?

  KING What zeal, what fury234 hath inspired thee now?

  My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon,

  She, an attending star, scarce seen a light236.

  BEROWNE My eyes are then no eyes, nor I Berowne.

  O, but for my love238, day would turn to night!

  Of all complexions the culled sovereignty239

  Do meet as at a fair in her fair cheek,

  Where several worthies make one dignity241,

  Where nothing wants that want242 itself doth seek.

  Lend me the flourish of all gentle243 tongues —

  Fie, painted244 rhetoric! O, she needs it not,

  To things of245 sale a seller’s praise belongs:

  She passes praise, then praise too short doth blot246.

  A withered hermit, fivescore winters worn247,

  Might shake off fifty, looking in her eye.

  Beauty doth varnish249 age as if new-born,

  And gives the crutch the cradle’s infancy250.

  O, ’tis the sun that maketh all things shine.

  KING By heaven, thy love is black as ebony252.

  BEROWNE Is ebony like her? O word divine!

  A wife of such wood were felicity254.

  O, who can give an oath? Where is a book255?

  That I may swear beauty doth beauty lack

  If that she learn not of her eye to look257.

  No face is fair that is not full so black258.

  KING O paradox! Black is the badge of hell,

  The hue of dungeons and the school260 of night,

  And beauty’s crest becomes261 the heavens well.

  BEROWNE Devils soonest tempt, resembling spirits of light262.

  O, if in black my lady’s brows be decked,

  It mourns that painting and usurping hair264

  Should ravish doters with a false aspect265,

  And therefore is she born to make black fair.

  Her favour turns the fashion of the days267,

  For native blood is counted painting268 now,

  And therefore red that would avoid dispraise269

  Paints itself black, to imitate her brow.

  DUMAINE To look like her are chimney-sweepers black.

  LONGAVILLE And since her time are colliers272 counted bright.

  KING And Ethiops of their sweet complexion crack273.

  DUMAINE Dark needs no candles now, for dark is light.

  BEROWNE Your mistresses dare never come in275 rain,

  For fear their colours276 should be washed away.

  KING ’Twere good, yours did, for, sir, to tell you plain,

  I’ll find a fairer face not washed today.

  BEROWNE I’ll prove her fair, or talk till doomsday here.

  KING No devil will fright thee then280 so much as she.

  DUMAINE I never knew man hold vile281 stuff so dear.

  Shows his shoe

  LONGAVILLE Look, here’s282 thy love: my foot and her face see.

  BEROWNE O, if the streets were pavèd with thine eyes,

  Her feet were much too dainty284 for such tread.

  DUMAINE O, vile! Then, as she goes, what upward lies285

  The street should see as she walked overhead.

  KING But what of this? Are we not all in love?

  BEROWNE O, nothing so sure, and thereby all forsworn.

  KING Then leave this chat, and good Berowne, now prove289

  Our loving lawful, and our faith not torn.

  DUMAINE Ay, marry, there, some flattery for this evil291.

  LONGAVILLE O, some authority how to proceed.

  Some tricks, some quillets293, how to cheat the devil.

  DUMAINE Some salve294 for perjury.

  BEROWNE O, ’tis more than need295.

  Have at you then, affection’s men at arms296.

  Consider what you first did swear unto:

  To fast, to study, and to see no woman —

  Flat treason against the kingly state299 of youth.

  Say, can you fast? Your stomachs are too young,

  And abstinence engenders maladies.

  // And where that you have vowed to study, lords,302 //

  // In that each of you have forsworn his book. //

  // Can you still dream and pore and thereon look? //

  // For when would you, my lord, or you, or you, //

  // Have found the ground of study’s excellence //

  // Without the beauty of a woman’s face? //

  // From women’s eyes this doctrine I derive: //

  // They are the ground, the books, the academes //

  // From whence doth spring the true Promethean fire310. //

  // Why, universal plodding poisons up //

  // The nimble spirits in the arteries, //

  // As motion and long-during action tires //

  // The sinewy vigour of the traveller. //

  // Now, for not looking on a woman’s face, //

  // You have in that forsworn the use of eyes //

  // And study too, the causer of your vow, //

  // For where is any author in the world //

  // Teaches such beauty as a woman’s eye? //

  // Learning is but an adjunct to ourself //

  // And where we are our learning likewise is. //

  // Then when ourselves we see in ladies’ eyes, //

  // With ourselves, //

  // Do we not likewise see our learning there? //

  O, we have made a vow to study, lords,

  And in that vow we have forsworn our books,

  For when would you, my liege, or you, or you,

  In leaden contemplation have found out

  Such fiery numbers329 as the prompting eyes

  Of beauty’s tutors have enriched you with?

  Other slow arts entirely keep331 the brain,

  And therefore, finding barren332 practisers,

  Scarce show a harvest of their heavy toil.

  But love, first learnèd in a lady’s eyes,

  Lives not alone immurèd335 in the brain

  But with the motion of all elements

  Courses as swift as thought in every power337

  And gives to every power a double power,

  Above their functions and their offices339.

  It adds a precious seeing to the eye:

  A lover’s eyes will gaze an eagle blind.

  A lover’s ear will hear the lowest sound,

  When the suspicious head of theft is stopped343.

  Love’s feeling is more soft and sensible344

  Than are the tender horns of cockled3
45 snails.

  Love’s tongue proves dainty Bacchus gross346 in taste.

  For347 valour, is not Love a Hercules,

  Still climbing trees in the Hesperides348?

  Subtle as Sphinx349, as sweet and musical

  As bright Apollo350’s lute, strung with his hair.

  And when Love speaks, the voice of all the gods

  Make heaven drowsy with the harmony.

  Never durst353 poet touch a pen to write

  Until his ink were tempered354 with love’s sighs.

  O, then his lines would ravish savage ears

  And plant in tyrants mild humility.

  From women’s eyes this doctrine I derive:

  They sparkle still the right Promethean fire358,

  They are the books, the arts, the academes359,

  That show, contain and nourish all the world,

  Else none at all in aught361 proves excellent.

  Then fools you were these women to forswear,

  Or, keeping what is sworn, you will prove fools.

  For wisdom’s sake, a word that all men love,

  Or, for love’s sake, a word that loves365 all men,

  Or, for men’s sake, the authors366 of these women,

  Or, women’s sake, by whom367 we men are men,

  Let’s once368 lose our oaths to find ourselves,

  Or else we lose ourselves to keep our oaths.

  It is religion370 to be thus forsworn,

  For charity itself fulfils the law371,

  And who can sever love from charity?

  KING Saint Cupid, then! And, soldiers, to the field!

  BEROWNE Advance your standards, and upon them374, lords.

  Pell-mell, down with them! But be first advised375

  In conflict that you get the sun of them376.

  LONGAVILLE Now to plain dealing: lay these glozes377 by.

  Shall we resolve to woo these girls of France?

  KING And win them too: therefore let us devise

  Some entertainment for them in their tents.

  BEROWNE First, from the park let us conduct them thither.

  Then homeward every man attach382 the hand

  Of his fair mistress: in the afternoon

  We will with some strange pastime solace384 them,

  Such as the shortness of the time can shape,

  For revels, dances, masks and merry hours

  Forerun387 fair Love, strewing her way with flowers.

  KING Away, away! No time shall be omitted

  That will betime, and may by us be fitted389.

  BEROWNE Allons! Allons! Sowed cockle reaped no corn390,

  And justice always whirls in equal measure391:

  Light392 wenches may prove plagues to men forsworn,

  If so, our copper buys no better treasure393.

  Exeunt

  Act 5 [Scene 1]

  running scene 5

  Enter [Holofernes] the Pedant, [Nathaniel the] Curate and Dull [the Constable]

  HOLOFERNES Satis quod sufficit1.

  NATHANIEL I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at dinner2 have

  been sharp and sententious3, pleasant without scurrility,

  witty without affection, audacious4 without impudency,

  learnèd without opinion, and strange5 without heresy. I did

  converse this quondam6 day with a companion of the king’s,

  who is intituled, nominated7, or called, Don Adriano de

  Armado.

  HOLOFERNES Novi hominem tanquam te9: his humour is lofty, his

  discourse peremptory, his tongue filed10, his eye ambitious, his

  gait majestical, and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous,

  and thrasonical. He is too picked12, too spruce, too affected,

  too odd, as it were, too peregrinate13, as I may call it.

  NATHANIEL A most singular and choice epithet.

  Draws out his table-book14

  HOLOFERNES He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer

  than the staple of his argument. I abhor such fanatical16

  phantasimes, such insociable and point-device17 companions,

  such rackers of orthography, as to speak ‘dout’, fine18, when

  he should say ‘doubt’, ‘det’, when he should pronounce

  ‘debt’: d, e, b, t, not d, e, t. He clepeth20 a calf ‘cauf’, half

  ‘hauf’, neighbour vocatur21 ‘nebour’, neigh abbreviated ‘ne’.

  This is abhominable22, which he would call ‘abominable’. It

  insinuateth me of insanie. Ne intelligis, domine?23 To make

  frantic, lunatic.

  NATHANIEL Laus Deo, bone intelligo25.

  HOLOFERNES Bone? ‘Bone’ for ‘bene’, Priscian a little scratched26,

  ’twill serve.

  Enter [Armado the] Braggart, [Moth, his] Boy [and Costard]

  NATHANIEL Videsne quis venit?28

  HOLOFERNES Video et gaudeo29.

  ARMADO Chirrah!30

  HOLOFERNES Quare31 ‘chirrah’, not ‘sirrah’?

  ARMADO Men of peace, well encountered.

  HOLOFERNES Most military sir, salutation.

  Aside to Costard

  MOTH They have been at a great feast of

  languages, and stolen the scraps.

  To Moth

  COSTARD O, they have lived long on the alms-basket36

  of words. I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a37

  word, for thou art not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus39.

  Thou art easier swallowed than a flap-dragon40

  MOTH Peace! The peal41 begins.

  To Holofernes

  ARMADO Monsieur, are you not lettered42?

  MOTH Yes, yes: he teaches boys the hornbook43. What is a b

  spelled backward with the horn on his head?

  HOLOFERNES Ba, pueritia45, with a horn added.

  MOTH Ba, most silly46 sheep with a horn. You hear his

  learning.

  HOLOFERNES Quis, quis, thou consonant48?

  MOTH The last of the five vowels, if you repeat them, or the

  fifth, if I.

  HOLOFERNES I will repeat them: a, e, i—51

  MOTH The sheep. The other two concludes it: o, u52.

  ARMADO Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum53, a sweet

  touch, a quick venue of wit! Snip, snap, quick and home54! It

  rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!

  MOTH Offered by a child to an old man — which is wit-old56.

  HOLOFERNES What is the figure57? What is the figure?

  MOTH Horns58.

  HOLOFERNES Thou disputes59 like an infant. Go, whip thy

  gig60.

  MOTH Lend me your horn to make one and I will whip

  about your infamy manu cita62. A gig of a cuckold’s horn.

  COSTARD An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst

  have it to buy gingerbread. Hold, there is the very

  65 remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny65 purse of

  wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion66. O, an the heavens were so

  pleased that thou wert67 but my bastard, what a joyful father

  wouldst thou make me! Go to, thou hast it ad dunghill68, at the

  fingers’ ends, as they say.

  HOLOFERNES O, I smell false Latin: ‘dunghill’ for unguem.

  ARMADO Arts-man, preambulate71. We will be singled from the

  barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the charge-house72

  on the top of the mountain?

  HOLOFERNES Or mons74, the hill.

  ARMADO At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.

  HOLOFERNES I do, sans76 question.

  ARMADO Sir, it is the king’s most sweet pleasure and affection77

  to congratulate the princess at her pavilion in the posteriors78

  of this day, which the rude79 multitude call the afternoon.

  HOLOFERNES The posterior of the day, most generou
s sir, is liable80,

  congruent and measurable81 for the afternoon. The word is

  well culled82, choice, sweet and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do

  assure.

  ARMADO Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar84, I

  do assure ye, very good friend. For what is inward85 between

  us, let it pass. I do beseech thee, remember thy courtesy86: I

  beseech thee, apparel87 thy head. And among other important

  and most serious designs88, and of great import indeed too —

  but let that pass, for I must tell thee it will please his grace, by89

  the world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder and

  with his royal finger thus dally with my excrement91, with my

  mustachio. But, sweet heart92, let that pass. By the world, I

  recount no fable93: some certain special honours it pleaseth

  his greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel,

  that hath seen the world — but let that pass. The very all of95

  all is — but, sweet heart, I do implore secrecy — that the

  king would have me present the princess, sweet chuck97, with

  some delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or antic98, or

  firework99. Now, understanding that the curate and your

  sweet self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking

  out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal101, to the

  end102 to crave your assistance.

  HOLOFERNES Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies103.

  Sir Nathaniel, as concerning some entertainment104 of time,

  some show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by our

  assistants, at the king’s command and this most gallant,

  illustrate107 and learned gentleman, before the princess, I say

  none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.

  NATHANIEL Where will you find men worthy enough to present

  them?

  HOLOFERNES Joshua, yourself. Myself, Judas Maccabaeus, and

  this gallant gentleman,

  Indicates Don Armado

  Hector. This swain, because of his great limb or joint113, shall

  pass Pompey the Great114. The page, Hercules.

  ARMADO Pardon, sir, error: he is not quantity enough for that

  Worthy’s thumb. He is not so big as the end of his club116.

  HOLOFERNES Shall I have audience? He shall present Hercules in117

  minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a snake118, and I

  will have an apology119 for that purpose.

  MOTH An excellent device120! So, if any of the audience hiss,